Xenon
by ElfMaidenOfLight
Summary: He ridicules her, taunts her, but Amanda understands Q in ways the others can't. Five years into her training and she's been targeted as a means to punish him. Will the Enterprise aid Q in her rescue? Or will Amanda's power end up destroying them all?
1. Happy Birthday to You

Xenon

* * *

**Happy Birthday To You**

* * *

She swung her legs over the edge of the planetary ring, dangling them out in space. She kicked them experimentally, swinging her ankles like on the playgrounds of her childhood Earth. Five years... it was nothing compared to how long her species lived. In her reality it was only a blink in time since she'd left the Enterprise. But she felt old, weighed, over-encumbered by all she'd learned since arriving in the continuum. But she didn't have to think about that now; she could put that life on hold in leu of some much needed 'me-time'. Amanda sighed in contentment, watching the distant quasar pulse a glow. Beautiful sight... so peaceful. Around her, sparking ice crystals that formed the planet's rings were singing and rippling under her; the perfect little perch to watch the stars. She could never have imagined sitting here, watching the universe, in all her childhood fantasies. But here she was. It was like a dream… although she hadn't dreamed in so many years.

She remembered when Q had first brought her to the continuum, how he raged and stormed against them when they made him her tutor. She wasn't particularly happy about it either, but she was too absorbed in the new sensations around her to give any protest at first. Suddenly realizing you consisted only of string energy did that kind of thing to a person.

"She is a child," they had told him, a thousand voices speaking all once.

They threatened him, bargained with him, bribed him; it seemed to take eons. But Amanda, who had finally had enough of them speaking about her as thought she weren't present at all, drove the last nail. If she had any arms to fold they would have been crossed across her chest in indignation.

"I don't really care _who_ teaches me. If you don't want me here I'd be glad to head on back to the third dimension. Let Q teach me if he wants, if not I'll go figure it out by myself." They had all stared at her, silent for once. "You can't keep me here," she added with a dose of extra defiance, "I'll leave right now." Just see if she didn't!

The masters swelled and glowed, "Oh little Q…"

"I am _not_ Q. I might be _a_ Q but my _name_ is Amanda."

"You know," Q pondered with that element of mischief in his voice, "I think I will teach this one. She's got quite the spirit. She could prove… entertaining."

The masters seemed pleased, although with them it was always hard to tell. "Yes, you shall instruct Q on-"

"My name," she ground out, "is Amanda."

The energy around her quavered, "Yes. Amanda," they spoke solemnly.

Amanda had smiled triumphantly. Her excitement flowing throughout her in one smooth motion; she could feel the very atoms within her sliding across one another. It was the most glorious feeling she had ever experienced. Just being pure energy, no human shell to encase her powers. It was dangerous; she knew it, just the feel of energy oozing out of every micron. She could destroy or build civilizations. She could create colors that had never even occurred to the human mind.

It was like that now, sitting on the edge of a planet's ring, watching the quasar. She could be a singular point in the universe… or she could envelop the universe in her very being. Her powers were limitless.

Instead she focused her energy inward, letting her mind wander across old memories. Her first day upon the Enterprise; saying goodbye to her parents; watching the known universe fly away as she and her teacher were thrown through space. She smiled nostalgically and the image of her human form rippled, replaced with the simple pink chiffon outfit she had worn the day she had first learned of being a Q. It was a fond memory, and fitting really, as today was her birthday...

"I give you all this free time and _this_ is what you do with it?"

Amanda wasn't surprised that Q found her. He always had that knack of showing up when you most wanted to be alone. Sometimes, she thought, he made her suffer just for kicks. And now he was sitting at her left shoulder, perched as she was upon the planet's ring, watching her.

"Why do you insist on dressing like that human?"

Amanda glanced at him, "You're looking particularly human today too, Q. And what's wrong with the way I look? This human image is important to me; it's who I am."

He waved her off, "A mere shell! You think too much like a human."

"Well gosh," she was letting an old argument get to her, "I did spend every waking moment of my first nineteen years thinking I was one."

"What are you doing here?" He changed the subject so fast she wasn't even sure he heard her.

She knew her answer would be met with more cynicism and mocking, "I'm celebrating." She looked him meaningfully in the eye, "It's my twenty-fourth birthday."

Q let out a noise of disgust. "Is that why you keep changing your appearance, to age yourself according to _human_ time?"

Amanda swung her legs, looking out at the quasar. She smiled, "I wouldn't expect you to understand. Being human was an important time in my life. I _am_ Amanda, this is what Amanda looks like when she is twenty-four."

"So when you're old and wrinkly-"

She could feel heat bloom in her face, "Okay well maybe I'll stop the aging process before _that_ happens…"

Q laughed, "Vanity outweighs human sentiment once again, how quaint."

Amanda sighed, "What are you even doing here? I thought I was taking a break." She brought her legs up, hugging them to her chest, resting her chin on her knees.

"Yes…" her 'mentor' mulled, "You do seem to require a certain amount of solitude this time every year."

"Birthdays are important where I come from." She hated the way her voice sounded so puny, small and child-like. But she was a young woman now. She'd probably be almost graduated from Starfleet at twenty-four. And what other things did normal twenty-four year old humans do? She should be dating, shopping; maybe falling in love… it was all so far away.

It was an odd feeling, having the continuum. It wasn't like they had forced her to leave; she made the choice by her on free will. But there was still this latent part of her being that harbored this nagging itch, this small bit of resentment towards them. Despite what Dr. Crusher had told her there was still a part of her that hated what she was. But she had long come to terms with the fact that she would always feel that way. It was her human part that hated the Q. It was her human part that kept her dressing like Amanda; that kept her celebrating birthdays.

"I have seen you act only so humanly morose a handful of times before," Q was prattling in his usual way, "Amanda, you have been with the continuum long enough to dissolve those silly little bonds you insist on keeping with that universe."

"I can't," she answered honestly, "I really can't. They are as much of myself as the continuum. It would destroy me."

They fell into relative silence, and Amanda closed her eyes, basking in the hush of space. It felt much like the ebb and flow of the tide. She could feel the particles of around her surge and break against the energy of her body. And she loved her human body; it was a temple to her. Only one other being in the entire universe had ever shown any iota of interest in her human body: the Q sitting next to her. She knew she must fascinate him, like all humans fascinated him. It was his guilty little pleasure. He almost enjoyed being human as much as she did, even if his was a bit more morbid curiosity than genuine love for the race.

She remembered only a few human years ago, while they traveled the cosmos, their brief stint on one particular planet. He was teaching her to control life itself, to render it in her hands and let it flow outward from within her body. She had no idea those of the continuum could create such complexity. It was the first time anyone had ever told her that her powers could be used to design, not destroy.

Q had helped her wrap the planet in her arms, shaping its barren surface into greenery and life. Like spouts lapsing time, palm fronds and high-topped trees broke ground and surged upward. Water bubbled from cracked in the earth. The atmosphere broke through her body and enveloped the entire surface, spreading oxygen throughout the newly formed sky. She had almost faltered, the drain on her powers was very great when compared to how new she was in controlling them. Q had taken over, coaxing through her own energy the remainder of the planet's life sustaining systems. It was with crystal clarity in which Amanda could recall the way her feet sunk pleasantly down in the soft sand of her new planet.

She remembered sitting on one of those newly formed beaches, naked in her human form, watching the water lap peacefully upon the shore. She brought her knees up to her chest, resting her cheek on them, and traced a line in the sand beside her. Instantly the yellowy sand turned the color of crushed pearl. The water glowed blue, xenon waves teeming with unseen microbes.

"Congratulations," Q's appeared behind her from the dense thicket of vegetation. He was sporting one of his khaki 'explorer' outfits. "You are a creator of life in the most basic of senses." He threw his arms wide, voice booming with praise and just a tad bit mockery, "I deem it Amanda-land!"

The thought of mothering an entire planet both elated and terrified her. She wiggled her toes in the sand and said nothing as he sat beside her. Her human emotions were still a very integrated part of her personality, her human modesty still intact. She looked away from Q, "What are you doing here? I thought I was alone..." Her face burned with embarrassment.

He was silent for a long moment, so she turned her head to look at him, unnerved to find he was staring at her with an element of rapt fascination. "One thing I have never understood about humans," she watched, frozen, as he raised his hand, "is the need for a spine." His thumb and forefinger came to a rest on either side between her shoulder blades, tracing her spine down her bare back, coming to a rest above the curve of her hip. Her skin rose in goose bumps at his touch.

She noticed then a strange mix of envy on his face and- and something else. She wondered if, in his wildest dreams, he would choose to be human. The thought amused her. For all the powers they held he still longed for basic human traits: a human body, a human mind. For a moment she might have thought him jealous.

That was the only time she had ever seen such naked emotion on his face. Even now, still watching the quasar in silence, she couldn't tell what he was thinking. You'd think five years spent with someone would produce something akin to a close friendship, but Q always seemed so guarded. Much of their kind were more fluid, open, but equally mistrustful of her. She was the outsider, the half human, if only by association. So while Q was a pain to deal with on a regular basis, Amanda was thankful he was by her side. He didn't scorn her as much as the others.

"You are thinking about your human life." His voice brought her out of her revere. This was true and not true. She could think of a thousand things simultaneously.

Amanda sighed, "I'm thinking about what I'd be doing back on Earth right now. I'd probably be graduating the Academy soon." She looked imploringly at him, even thought she knew he would not understand. "Being twenty-four means I should be having the time of my life…"

"Are you suggesting that sitting in a dull classroom with equally dull humans is preferable to traveling the far expansive of space?"

"Yes and no. It's not the same."

Q 'humphed', a pout on his face, and in that moment he looked as human as he wished to be. He appeared in the same form as on the Enterprise, and Amanda wondered how old he _really_ was, not just the mask of age he wore. She understood after so many years that wildly desperate part of him, that mischievous part, how the power in him rose and swelled, because it did the same in her. And maybe her human emotions let he balance that better. Maybe that's what he envied.

Something was worming its way under her skin. A thought. An idea. A cry to the type of life he should be living so many light-years away. Amanda knew it was impossible, but it was still nagging.

Q raised an eyebrow at her, casting an eye over her garb as if for the first time. He 'hummed', snapping his fingers, and his mock Starfleet uniform suddenly appeared upon his body. At her look he merely shrugged, "Well, if _you're_ going to do it."

She smiled, swinging her legs back over the ring's edge, but couldn't conceal a glum expression from settling back over her face. Q narrowed his eyes, leaning toward her. This was surprising as he was already sitting with her nearly hip to hip. Really, Amanda thought, he had absolutely _zero_ concept of personal space. Still, something flip-flopped within the pit of her stomach.

"What are you doing?"

"Mmm?" She mumbled.

His next words were a slow snarl, "You're acting very strangely."

Amanda rolled her eyes. He could be so temperamental, such a child. "I'm watching the quasar. It happens to be quite peaceful." She rounded on him, "If people would be quiet I could enjoy it even more." He was so close she could see the flecks of color in his eyes, and if just for a moment her mind began playing odd tricks. Amanda could see, so very vividly, herself, a normal woman of normal circumstances, sitting next to Q in some normal mundane setting- it was so very close- so very real- so very human. And she could _belong_ there like that, with him.

Her hand shot out of its own accord, fisting itself in the folds of his uniform. The space between them was minimal; it took almost no effort to cross the gap and kiss him. Q was frozen. He didn't predict this kind of reaction from her. Amanda took the opportunity to push her tongue into his mouth, biting at his lip. When he finally seemed to stir from utter shock and respond she pulled away, suddenly mortified. What was she doing?

"I- I'm-" How do you explain kissing to someone like Q? How do you explain the _context_ behind kissing to someone like Q? Come to think of it, what _was_ the context? Had she simply been longing for the familiar? For home? Or was it something else…

Amanda looked out over the vastness of space before her, thankful that for once Q seemed to be at a loss for words. Finally she sucked in a slow raking breath. "I've only ever kissed one boy before, back on Earth, in fourth grade. His name was Robbie Milton. We use to share our yogurt together during recess." She smiled ruefully, "You think I'm so human… and I try to debunk all your preconceived notions about humans and there I go acting so humanly irrational." She stole a glance in his direction. He was staring very hard at his knees. When he didn't answer she pressed forward, "I'm sorry."

Still not looking at her, Q spoke in a surprisingly hushed tone; "I mistake you for human very often." That was as close to an 'I'm sorry too' she was ever going to get from him.

"Q, you've been teaching me so much about the continuum. Did you ever thing there might be a thing or two _you_ could learn from me?"

He scoffed, then spat out "What would I possibly want to learn about humans?"

"Oh lots of things," Amanda allowed her hand, which had been gripping the edge of the planets ring, to move so her fingers overlaid his hand. She hoped the action would be interpreted as friendly, but was afraid she was fooling even herself.

A slow moving smile turned his lips, but she wasn't sure if it was one of his deviously evil smiles or something much more rare.

"What an interesting proposal."

"You think I'm being silly…"

"I think you're an infant."

"I'm twenty-"

"Four, yes, I heard you the first time. That means nothing to the Q."

She felt a surge of anger, "So what I have to wait a millennia before I'm allowed?"

"'Allowed' to what, exactly?"

The mocking in his voice just infuriated her further. He wanted her to _say it_? Sadist…

But was she just slave to her human impulses? Or was it something deeper, imprinted on that frightening- powerful- beautiful part of her?

"You are naïve," Q was saying, although Amanda could only vaguely hear him through her maelstrom of thoughts. "Strong creatures with weak convictions could take advantage of you."

"I thought you had no convictions."

"Perhaps," and while he spoke he threaded a hand through the hair at the base of her skull, tugging her head back in one rough motion. "Perhaps I am one of those who would take advantage of your naïveté. I've shown little regard for people in the past."

Her heartbeat thrummed in her ears, "Those were humans."

Q smirked, "True, although much of the continuum would see you as nearly human."

Amanda knew that was true, had expected it to be true, but to hear _him_ say it was so different. It sounded like he very much agreed with them. For something so very obvious Amanda felt uncommonly wounded. It seemed Q recognized the element of pain flicker over her face. His eyes narrowed, but he released his fisted grip on her hair.

"Do you really believe I am no better than those humans the continuum looks down on?"

"What I think is irrelevant."

"Not true. Not to me."

He cocked his head to the side, "Why?"

Amanda laughed, exasperated, "For someone claiming to know _everything_ you can be exceedingly thick sometimes."

"Humor me."

She searched for the right words before saying slowly, "You were the first one who introduced me to what I really am. You were with me every step of the way. I'd be lying if I said that didn't mean something, if I didn't feel something."

"You are attracted to me."

No, no, no, no, no, no- "Yes."

He looked at her suspiciously, "Those are human emotions."

Amanda threw up her hands. Oh give the man a medal! "Is that all you think about? What's human and what's not? Don't you ever just let yourself go with it? Who _cares_?"

He opened his mouth in retort but closed it sharply. She'd taken him by surprise, and now his guard was down; she could see beneath all that armament. There was this suspended moment where their eyes met, and Amanda was sure he was about to return her impulsive kiss.

Oh god she wished he'd just do it, she wished it with the whole of her powers. Ever sense he helped her shape that planet, dipping into her own humming thread of life, she could recognize that strange magnetism between them. It had been there on the Enterprise, although she'd been just a child. But she was _aware_ now and she _deserved_ it damn it!

Suddenly he straightened up, adjusting his uniform, "I grow tired of this game."

She recoiled, crumpling inward.

_Game?_

He didn't even glance again in her direction before saying, "Stay here as long as you like, I have things to attend to."

_Liar._

And then he was gone, instantly, just like that, and Amanda was left with the beautiful lights of the quasar and the quiet of infinite space. In all that emptiness she felt singular and alone. It was the most humanly insignificant she'd felt in a long time.

Yes, she mused, he did have a lot to learn, and she was all too willing to teach him. Oh no, she'd be damn persistent about it. He wouldn't be rid of her in a thousand years even if he tried. She might be soft from her human years but it wasn't a disadvantage, Amanda could use it.

Just see if she didn't.

* * *

A/n- I know this is totally out of left field, but I _have_ to write it. This chapter may feel like filler before the main plot starts taking off, but I think there needs to be an element of personal interaction between Amanda and Q before we progress. I can assure you it won't be all hapless fluff XD

Hope you enjoyed the first chapter, many more to come!


	2. Give and Take

Xenon

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**Give and Take**

* * *

He was avoiding her. And it wasn't like he was doing a very good job of it either. He was avoiding her and he didn't even care if she noticed or not. In fact, he probably _wanted_ her to notice, the bastard.

Amanda waded through the continuum, passing other Q, brushing against their energy. She searched for him, trying to quell that human desperation that rose inside her. He had avoided her for months, had then left on some secret mission, and now that he was back he was still ignoring her. Oh no, he was going to talk to her. He was going to talk even if she had to force him.

A few turned at her passing. Normally Amanda could barrier her emotions well enough that they would ignore her. It was easier that way. But her creeping desperation was making it difficult; it lashed out, curling around her. A beacon screaming _I'm here, I'm worried, lonely, angry-_

The last time she saw him was in front of the council, nearly a month back. She'd been watching from outside the ring of Q, listening with the others. They always fell silent when he spoke; it was a gift he knew to use in his advantage. His words were precious to the others, even though he always took that petulant tone with the council. He argued more than most would dare, and perhaps he had been even worse before Amanda knew him. Q was always hesitant in speaking about the time the continuum kicked him out, but Amanda thought it must have sobered him a bit to the rule of authority.

At that time she had already been worried about his attitude. After their brief interaction on her birthday she'd passed him more than a dozen times in the continuum. When he would see her coming he'd duck away into an unknown dimension, or, once, simply turn away. Selfishly Amanda thought it was her own emotional response that caused it, that the kiss had somehow made her a danger to him. But that was so selfish. He could simply be pushing her away as part of her training, weaning her from his tutelage. A part of Amanda wanted to believe the latter with every part of her being… but she just couldn't.

At odd moments she would recall, with stunning and unwanted clarity, the way his hand had fisted itself in her hair, right against the back of her skull. The way he growled his possible danger to her. The way her human heart had spiked and raced-

He had been speaking to the council about a task in which he had to leave the continuum. He could have no contact, no open channels with them. It had to be handled with the utmost care and secrecy. He had refused their orders at first, claiming that the matters of other beings were 'none of their concern', but by that time Amanda knew he was simply negotiating. If he put up enough of a fight they'd restore a bit more of that sought-after prestige he's lost after his unceremonious exclusion from the continuum. Besides, he was the best choice for the job. He had the experience. They needed him, and he knew it.

Amanda had watched, transfixed. He railed against them, yet inside he was so clam. She rippled. Was _she_ was the only one who could see it? She could read him, perhaps a side effect of spending so much time by his side. He rarely raged for the pure joy of it. In a way he was just like Captain Picard- calculating what to say in order to get what he wanted. Only Picard did it with a smile and a cup of tea. Amanda really didn't know which one she preferred.

Before he was about to dispatch she had cornered him, finally.

"You're leaving," she'd tried to force an edge to her voice.

Q had barely glanced in her direction, "I'm following our oh-so insightful council's orders." The sarcasm was thick, even for him.

"How long are you going to be gone?"

"How _long?_" A flicker of recognition passed through him, "A human month. And what did I tell you about that linear timing?"

She'd understood he couldn't talk about it, knew it was against their protocol, but she had expecting something more from him, some small precious bit of information. He was her teacher, he was everything to her, and he was her connection to the Q. Surely _something_ had bonded between them. Surely he trusted her.

"Is there something _else _I can help you with?"

"I- no," the hurt was hard to conceal.

He flashed confidence, but it was somehow hollow, "Good."

Suddenly she spoke, almost cutting him off, "You're scared." She didn't even know she was about to say it. There had been nothing and then knowledge. It was so heavy and resolute.

Q laughed, "You're weighing too much on that pitiful _human_ emotion again, my little Q. The Q do not _fear_."

Amanda drew towards him, "What are they having you do?"

He steeled, and it drew away that precious veil of spite and vindictiveness. It was involuntary; he probably didn't even know he was doing it. "Do not concern yourself. It means nothing." But then she could feel him against her, perhaps the human equivalent of a hand on her arm. "You are to continue your studies."

"If-" She searched for words, "If you don't come back?"

He drew away, "You still have many trials and tests to perform before your training is complete."

No. He couldn't do it. He couldn't be a goddamn martyr. She wouldn't let him, not alone.

"I want to go with you."

He had laughed at her, really guffawed, and Amanda, in shocked silence, shrunk away even further. In that laugh she could identify all the inadequacies of her being. She was worse then useless to the Q, she was a liability. Amanda had turned from him, cursed him, and cursed her high hopes of someday teaching him. If he died she would never get the chance to show him, really _show_ him what it was to be human.

And now he was back and he hadn't even taken the time to say "hi" or "I'm not dead after all" or _something_.

Of course she was angry, but to identify herself as being wholly angry was a lie. Moreover she was glad that he was home safe and sound. That shocked her: _home_. When did she start thinking of the continuum as 'home'? Perhaps it was during the last time she visited her adoptive parents. Walking into their home, her old room, it suddenly seemed alien upon reflection. But that was normal, she reasoned. A man or woman upon growing up would not view their parent's home as familiar ground. It was nearly the same, although 'growing up' almost never involved becoming a new species.

She was about to ponder it further when she caught him; Q speaking with a member of the council. They were receded from the rest of the continuum, conversing privately within a sub frequency. She hung back, watching. She knew he was there, could feel some base sense of him. All she had to do was wait the relatively short time it took for them to finish. When pair rejoined the continuum Amanda could see how exhausted Q was. He seemed to be deflated, less like his buoyant self then usual. Amanda nearly felt bad for cornering him at a time like that. Nearly.

When he saw her coming he didn't turn away. In fact, she could see the plain happiness in him. Well, maybe 'happy' was too broad of a term. He looked contented, like he had expected her to eventually find him. She made a considerable effort not to throw herself at him. It would be… inappropriate… and she was half afraid she'd never let go.

He made a flourish, "I have returned!"

"In one piece, I see."

He continued quickly, she suspected to waylay her from voicing any more concern over him. "Have you been studying, my _ever_ obedient pupil?"

More like fretting, she thought furiously, remembering that she should be angry with him. But all she could feel was this great big _whump_ of satisfaction that he wasn't dead. And no, she hadn't practiced at all.

"I tried to get someone to help me," she confessed, "but they were unwilling. I mainly fooled around on my own. You know the usual. I visited my parents too. They were very happy to see me. " He took the information in without saying a word. "They asked about you, of course," she continued. They always did for some reason. Q scoffed. "You know I couldn't tell them you were "fine" because you weren't, obviously. It's very disconcerting _not knowing_ where you are."

Q seemed to finally get her frustration, why she was angry. He attempted a nasty tone, but it was softened by just how tired he was, "I had no idea I was 'mother duck' to you."

"Are you kidding?" He couldn't be that thick. "You're the only one around here to _talks_ to me. I sulk around here like I've got the plague or something. I know I'm young but I'm not _that_ naïve. You're like the very dim light at the end of a very dark tunnel, Q. I'll take what I can get, thank you very much. " That seemed to silence him, and Amanda suddenly felt so very bad. He must have been out there among the stars, risking his life, and he'd come back to her screaming at him. She pulled herself together, "I'm sorry… I was just worried. You must be exhausted."

He mumbled in assent, remarking quietly, "The council's relentless…." He had that look Amanda knew too well, the look she got when the continuum grew too loud, when it felt like you were stuck in a crowded container ship with millions of chattering voices. It was the feeling that made her take vacations from the Q. And she'd only been there a few years. How sick would she been after millennia?

An sudden idea struck her.

"I know a quiet place, come on." She beckoned to him, slipping between the continuum's fabric into three-dimensional space. She swirled her energy inward, gathering the folds of space as she would a long piece of cloth, overlapping huge segments of the galaxy. Infinity bunched. When she found what she was looking for she let the bundle loose, snapping it straight, ending thousands of light-years from where they started.

Coming into clearer focus a planet loomed before them, the side just creasing into daybreak. Amanda-land.

"My, my you _have_ been busy." Q's usual human form- mocked in khaki- materialized. He actually looked impressed. Well, he should be, Amanda thought. The planet had flourished under her; the sparse green now lush and vibrant against its surface.

Amanda folded her arms neatly. "I told you I'd been just fooling around." He gave her a _look_ and she flushed. "So I sped up the time a bit. I wasn't going to wait a billion years for the plants to grow! And besides, it's peaceful. No annoying council, no chattering continuum. You'd pay a premium for this on Earth you know. Come on, I've been wanting to show you."

They reappeared on a sandy beach near the meridian. Amanda kicked the pearlescent sand as she walked the length of the coastline. It skittered and shimmered in the sunlight. "It all took considerable effort. The first time I tried you had to help, remember?" Q followed her a few feet behind. "But like I said, you were gone. Kind of a good thing actually, otherwise I wouldn't have figured out how to do it on my own. I reshaped the landmasses a few weeks ago. It nearly folded in on itself."

"You are inexperienced, and that's what happens to you petulant youth. Biting off more than you can chew."

"But I did it in the end," her raw elation was impossible to hide. It was sad, really, how much she vied for his approval. They rounded the inlet, entering a bowled cove, and Amanda waded out to the shallows. It was so warm, like bath water. "Have you ever been to the Caribbean on Earth? My adoptive parents took me there one summer. The oceans clear as glass…" She dipped down, running a hand over the translucent surface of the water. Q was watching the lapping waves with a note of trepidation. "You can't tell me in all your travels you've never gone swimming."

A plush sofa appeared behind him, completely out of context, sunk down into the sand. Amanda was incredulous. That wasn't the point; you were supposed to enjoy the beach on its own, not put furniture on it! Q took a few steps back and sunk primly onto the cushions, arms stretching back over the center pillow. "_This_," he sighed deeply, "is preferable."

Amanda rolled her eyes, wading back to the beach. She dried her legs with a flick of her wrist, materializing a comfy t-shirt and cotton shorts. She regarded the couch for a moment, trying the place it. It seemed awfully familiar….

Oh.

She had to hold her tongue, knowing that if she pointed out that he'd replicated furniture from the Enterprise he'd throw a hissy fit. But the Captain's sofa? Really? But it did look comfy... As she sat beside Q he tilted his head, a triumphant smile plastered all over his stupid face, before saying, "You said you visited your… Earth parents." Amanda quirked an eyebrow, nodding.

He only met them once, when she said goodbye to them before joining the continuum. She remembered him sitting stiffly on her mother's sofa, watching in silence as Amanda tried to explain, interjecting when more information was needed. At one point, as her mother's eyes welled with unshed tears, Amanda had almost broke. She'd nearly lost it. But Q had reached out and touched her, a warm undercurrent in the back of her mind, and it had bolstering her. She never thanked him for that.

But all she said was a soft, "They're doing well."

Q stretched out his legs, "The concept of 'family' is not dissimilar to the continuum. The Q are your brothers and sisters."

That was a laugh! "They could at least pretend to like me."

"They don't _dis-_like you."

Amanda picked at the sofa's threading along the cushion.

"However there is no familial bond between parents and children as with humans…." Q continued. "However your true parents were the exception. Tell me, do you still conjure them?"

Ah, they were back to that?

"They're dead. They don't deserve being unceremoniously resurrected every time I have a bad day."

"Very good."

_Good_? She took offense. "What do you mean by _that_?"

Q turned to lean in, Amanda freezing as he stopped mere inches from her face, nose to nose. "If you ever want to truly master your powers you must lean to control that human part of you." He eyed her, gaze flitting over her face. "Especially those _wants_ of yours." A knowing smile, vicious, twisted his lips. Amanda didn't wince away, she wouldn't allow that weakness to show, but god could he use her very mind against her. There was something about his expression, the low tilt of his shoulders. He looked predatory. Fight or flight? Part of her was setting off alarm bells, warning that he was so very dangerous- but rest of her didn't seem to care. She settled on a challenging expression, even thought she knew he could read past it. His smile grew, and he pulled away, laughing.

Well, she could throw it back at him. "Are you ever going to tell me what you were doing for the council?"

"Nope," he chimed, almost cheery.

Amanda ground her teeth. This is how Picard must feel! Well how dare he? She was Q just like him, just like the rest of them. If he didn't want to tell her then she could just find out on her own. Amanda gathered herself and, quashing a flare of trepidation, lashed out and touched him, his mind, his Q-ness . He was unprepared, Amanda being the last person to try something so incredibly aggressive. Sharing information between Q was nothing special, but an unprovoked probe into matters one tried to shield… well, it was rash, but she had to try. For a brief instant she was swimming in him, could see segments of him she knew were too personal, too intimate. But she was untrained for this kind of search, and so she blundered on, tripping over his thoughts-memories-feelings- It was so dense, thousands of years of thought, millions, each flaring and bright against his backdrop. Recent experiences were colored more vividly, and they flicked against Amanda like old movie projections.

_Picard and the others on trial, a beautiful woman she did not know fighting back before freezing into solid stasis- anger, elation, amusement- _

The flashes were almost instantaneous

_Guinan jabbing a well-aimed fork into Q's human hand- horror- pain-_

Amanda gasped, remembering the stories of Q's temporary exile. She watched, transfixed, as the flash of pain skittered across his face.

_Amanda tossing Q as easily as a ragdoll against the wall of her room on the Enterprise- disoriented- surprise-_

_And she was kissing him, the quasar lighting up space, her tongue sweeping his mouth- _

His burst of shock and lust was so powerful she felt as if it had reached out and actually struck her. But those nanoseconds were enough for Q to collect himself and throw her out. She didn't even get the chance to find what she'd been searching for. His power, doubled by his anger, flung her backward. The beach on her planet came rushing towards her, rocketing her mind back to her body. She had tumbled off the couch and onto the sand, sucking in a surprise breath so sharp it hurt. Her vision swam.

"Wretched child!" She could hear him curse, but she was still gasping, unable to breath properly. The sofa was gone, and Q bent to take hold of her shoulders, pulling her roughly to her feet. He started shaking her. "I should jettison you into space! I should strip you of your powers!"

"I…"

"It's my own fault, obviously. I've let you get away with _murder_!"

"I didn't know-"

"I didn't know," he mocked. "Someday that excuse isn't going to work. Someday you'll be up against more powerful beings that won't take kindly to such invasions. They will turn against you and destroy your mind, or worse yet you'll be trapped roaming there forever, too deep to extract yourself and I won't be there to mother you along."

Amanda drew herself up, pulling from his grasp, "I'll fight them!"

Q made a noise partway between humor and disgust. "You don't know what it _means_ to fight," he snarled, "You know the basics. You can traverse time and make pretty little planets floating out in space. Oh how _wonderful_ your powers are, Amanda, oh how entirely _useless."_

She tried to collect herself, fortify herself against him, but he was right… he was so right.

"Teach me then."

He laughed at her.

Amanda recoiled, biting hard on her lower lip to keep from shaking with rage.

Q cocked his head to the side, "Oh _do_ start crying, that always makes things better."

He was a monster. He tortured her and he enjoyed it. And that made loving him even worse, didn't it? Her stomach dropped. Oh no, she thought, not _that_. Not true. But of course it was. And he must know and simply spurn her for his own amusement. Did he like to see her squirm under his barbs and slander? He'd insulted her intelligence, her lineage, her humanity, her choice in clothing- on more than one occasion- to name a few. Perhaps she _should_ fight back. Maybe that's what she should have done from the beginning.

She attacked, and was surprised how simply it had happened. She had just thought of getting him _away_ and her energy had done the rest. It was clumsy, and not at all graceful, but it struck Q across the chest. He stumbled back, nearly fell, but kept his footing.

"Again," he said, a hard edge to his voice. She stared at him. "_Again_, or do I need to spell it out for you? Concentrate!"

This time Amanda squared her shoulders, supping up her energy from the tips of her toes all the way to the very core of her. It pulsed like a heart, so dense it felt weighted. Concentrating she gathered it and she rushed him, darting out of space and in again, coming up fast on his right shoulder. He knelt, shielding, and her attack ricochet off him, a deafening _boom_ shuttering the very ground they stood on. Amanda was thrown back but landed on her feet.

Rising, Q threw her a disappointed look. "You're thinking too much with your body. You are Q, you have a power greater then physical strength. You are not some human gifted with psychic abilities, you are a higher being! We have other ways; better ways. Try again!"

She held his gaze for a long moment before her eyes fluttered closed. Concentrate, he'd said. She had to concentrate and hit him without using her body as a vessel. She let her mind go blank; let it float away and up and into something else. She felt weightless and airy, much like when she inhabited the continuum, but here she was alone. Well, almost.

"Ah, ma chérie, that's it," his voice was here and there, next to her and far away, all around. It was a strangely pleasant.

"Where are you?" But she could see, just not visually. She could _feel_ him, where he was. "It's warm," she voiced without having to speak, marveling in the new feeling. And then he attacked, compressing her energy and drawing the life right out of her. He seemed to reach inside her being, taking hold of something singular, something precious, and wrenching it. When she played human Amanda could feel pain if she concentrated hard enough, and when operating in the continuum there was no concept of physical hurt, but this was entirely different. It felt as if her life were diffusing right out from under her, as if her body were being sucked through a keyhole. She cried out, he let go, and the sensation died quickly.

"That is what you're up against, my dear."

After a moment she found her voice, "What was that?"

"A drain on your essential power, your force of being."

It was frightening, maddening. Any more and Amanda might have lost herself, gone careening into space. "Is that how the Q fight each other?"

She could very nearly see the smirk rise on his lips, "One of the more painless ways. A quick, satisfying end. You'd be dead with just the briefest of twinges. Although there are other creatures, not unlike the Q, who prefer… other ways." He drew away, "Your turn. Attack me."

Amanda flinched, "No. I don't want this."

"But you wanted to _learn_," Q snarled, "You wanted to _defend_ yourself."

She shook her head, uncoiling from the subspace, sinking back into her body on the beach. She was still trembling when her eyes opened, focusing on Q. He looked murderous. Two strides and he towered over her, taking hold of her upper arm in a tight, unyielding grasp.

"No," she tried again.

His voice raised an octave; "You are not allowed a free pass just because this is unpleasant for you!" She felt him attempting to pull her back to that null space, to that place of pain. Amanda struggled, projecting barriers. He ripped them as easily as crêpe paper. She tried again, stronger this time, spurred on by a survival instinct. He faltered, once, before he executed one hard yank. Amanda felt herself begin to drift.

"I said _no!_" And she yanked back, hard, and more forcefully then she ever tried with any energy before. The prospect of hurting him, of giving him that kind of pain, it was unbearable. She'd rather die; she'd rather be ripped to pieces by her own uncontrollable power then go back to that place and fight him.

The world around them shimmered. Amanda-land seemed to quaver like a bowstring, distorting so much the beach became elongated and stretched. Q faltered, unsure for the first time, but Amanda was determined.

She gave her powers one final draw, trying desperately to root herself firmly on the ground. She surged dangerously. Distantly she could hear Q's voice-

"Amanda!"

Her eyes were screwed closed, but they shot open at the tearing sound. All around them the world fractured, spider webbing into a billions fragments. The fissures ran up and out from her, splintering into space, running out from the source. There was a suspended moment where the rupturing ceased, where the cracks sped away into oblivion, and then it fell. Amanda, empty to the point of unconsciousness, fell to the ground as the beach, forest, ocean, atmosphere, sky- all of it- rained down in confetti sequins over the now barren planet.

All she had made, the beauty of it, dead and gone.

Amanda-land…. once again floating lifelessly in the vastness of space.

And she was hollow, running dry. Unbridled by her lacking experience she had expelled too much. Would she die? Would it be over? Her lips formed words, half-hearted sounds and murmurs. She did not want to die.

Someone was touching her, turning her over. Q was on his knees drawing her up into his lap. "Oh precious…" his voice was soft. Blearily Amanda smiled. She liked it when it spoke that way to her. It made her heart soar and the hurt ache less. She tried to ask _what happened_ but it took too much effort. He noted her confusion, explaining quietly, "You culled too much of yourself. Your essence could not produce the amount of energy you demanded of it. It began drawing power from other sources, namely the energy you invested in the planet. It was all much too thin after that…" He propped her head against his chest, tucking back the hair that had fallen over her face. It was such an out of place gesture.

"Wh- wh-"

"Shh," and he took her into him, his Q form. They were very nearly joined; almost one being at that point, and in that intimacy Amanda couldn't shield herself from him. All the pain and confusion, happiness and desire, it lay before him easy to see. From that connection life flowed back into her. He was siphoning it from himself, giving it freely. Amanda leaned against it, boneless, basking in it.

Eventually he pushed away, extracting her very slowly, as if any harsh movement would break her. The awareness of her human body seeped back bit by bit. From here position she could hear his human heart beating in time with her own.

"Q?"

"How do you feel?"

"Better. Thank you."

He mulled over her words, "About your planet…" Amanda felt a pang of loss, "It was wrong of me to expose you in such a way, you have my apology. It seems your little vacation spot paid the price."

Amanda nodded, sitting up slowly. She shook the fuzziness from her head. Looking about it was hard to compare this barren moonscape to the thriving world just moments before. She stood on shaky legs, turning a full three hundred and sixty degrees. The planet's blank canvas ran off into the distance; she could see its curvature where earth met the blackness of space.

She did not need to breath, yet she raked in a long, deep breath.

There was a moment of complete silence, and then he spoke.

"The Q do not have much in the way of lovers." He stood, arms folded, watching her with that unreadable expression, like he was trying to solve a particularly difficult puzzle.

She expected this line of questioning. Now he knew how she really felt, thanks to their temporary joining.

"I guessed as much," she shrugged. It wasn't her fault, she reasoned. She couldn't _choose_ how to feel, she just _felt_, and that's what mattered. A breathy laugh forced its way past her lips, "I told myself I'd try and teach you what it was like to _feel _human. I was so angry when you left the continuum… I was afraid I had missed my chance. But… how can I teach you about human nature when I can't even understand my own feelings? I- I don't even know what I'm talking about most of the time." It was hard to admit defeat.

Q tilted his chin up a fraction; it made him look even more arrogant than usual. "Would it be so bad to love one another? Is that not what human do?"

She turned imploringly to him, "It's not the same."

"Why? What better way do you see to teach me? Should I let you drag me around that blue planet of yours? Would _that_ make me more human?"

"I don't want to 'make you' human," she whispered. Q quirked an eyebrow. It was true. Making him human would subtract from him, make him less of the person she- well, damn it- loved. His sadistic humor, his taunting, the confusing way he complimented her very existence, that's what stayed with her. She just wanted him to understand. And maybe he was right; this was the best way to really _show_ him. Amanda reached to brush his temple with her fingertips. "No," she said, answering his previous question, "It would not be so bad to love you." He was smiling a very small smile. She grinned, tipping up to kiss him.

Again it took him a moment to respond, but he eventually grasped her arms, rooting her to the spot as he pressed his mouth against hers. She felt her heart skip. Like every other aspect of him the kiss was calculated. He never simply slapped things together; it was methodical. In fact, it was rendering her thoughts to gurgling schoolgirl prattle with its soft pressure and- oh god, she thought, opening her mouth to his- she was going to _explode. _

It was over much too quickly, and Amanda's head was spinning by the time they broke apart. Q 'humm'ed slightly, wearing a mischievous smile, "What an interesting and complex aspect human behavior. A sign of affection, romance, love, eroticism-"

How did he manage to say _everything_ with an undertone of pure sex? He could read the Enterprise's dinner menu and have it come out a dirty romance novel.

Amanda gestured to the planet around her, "We could try again? With more kissing this time. You know," she added quickly when he flashed her a _look_, "for research purposes."

He gently took her face in both his hands. "You are never to loose that part of you, Amanda, despite how the others treat you. The Q have no concept of what you truly are, what potential you have, how key you are to our future, and for that I love you."

She tried to look displeased, but it was too hard, she ended up grinning like a fool. "And here I thought you just like to torment me."

"_That_ place is reserved for a very special Frenchman."

"Come to think of it, we haven't visited the Enterprise for a while. And Amanda-land could always wait."

"Those fools could do for another dose of Q."

"I'd love to see Beverley again."

Q bowed in a very gentlemanly manor, "Shall we depart ma chérie?" Amanda took his outstretched arm, giggling despite herself, and they vanished in a bright flash of light.

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A/n- I'm sure Picard's going to be _so very pleased to see them_

Read and review!


	3. In For a Penny

Xenon

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**In For a Penny**

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**Five Years Ago**

Amanda tried re-arranging the teacups on her mother's coffee table. Absently rotating them, slipping coasters under them, anything to distract her mind, anything to keep from breaking down into some sniveling human mess. He would not approve of that sort of behavior. Across the table her mother was dabbing at her eyes with a handkerchief; her father silent and downcast, arm around his wife. Raw shock has passed, and so now the tears came, unbridled and uncomprehending. She knew it was hard for them, but she couldn't keep it secret, she owed them far too much more than that.

"S-so," her mother sucked in another barely-contained sob, "You're leaving? To live with these Q people?"

Beside Amanda, perched awkwardly on the sofa, Q shot the woman a glance, "The Q are not a _people_, they _are_ Q. Honestly," he added under his breath, "the mere notion of comparing the Q to _people_." Her mother stared at him, agape. Amanda nudged him, hard. He wasn't helping. She didn't even know why he insisted on coming with her. It would be easier if he just left her alone and came to collect her later.

"I'll come visit," she assured them, "I won't be gone forever."

_You'll outlive them by forever_, Q spoke directly to her mind.

Amanda rolled her eyes at him. _They don't need to know that_.

_Lying to protect the ones you love, how humanly contradictive._

_Shut up,_ she hissed.

Her father straightened up, glaring at Q as if noticing him for the first time. "I want a guarantee Amanda won't be in danger."

Amanda's jaw clenched. What kind of demand was that? That was the unfounded blather a parent gives to their daughter's perspective prom date, not someone who could rip their reality to shreds. Besides, even Q couldn't keep her from all the danger in the cosmos! It would be impossible. There would have to be a time where she'd be on her own, and Q wasn't always going to swoop in a save.

Q tilted his chin up, an arrogant gesture, "Would you ask the same of the Dean of Starfleet if she were to join? Would you ask the same of her Commanding Officer?"

"I would expect it."

_This is when you lie_, Amanda said hurriedly, _This is when you lie and tell them 'oh yes, she's going to be quite safe, even if I have to look after her myself'._

"Oh yes," Q repeated, deadpan, "She's going to be quite safe, even if I have to look after her myself." Amanda glanced up to the heavens, wondering a silent 'why me'?

Her father sat back, looking only mildly reassured.

They had arrived about an hour previous, born in from the cosmos in a brilliant flash of light. Amanda had reasoned with Q to not simply transport them into her parents' living room. That would be… extremely awkward. Instead they materialized just outside their doorstep. Amanda, having never traveled that amount of space-time before, felt a wave of sickness. Her stomach heaved, head swimming. She doubled over, retching into her mother's begonias. She felt Q's downcast glare at her, obviously thinking her inferior for such a strong reaction. Amanda would get use to the sensation over time, but at that moment it was just so new.

She collected herself enough to ring the doorbell. She could hear the mother's sweet "Coming!" from somewhere beyond the threshold. The door opened, and there was her mother, brown-grey hair slipping down in wisps from the barely-contained bun at the back of her head. She had a dishtowel draped over her shoulder. Amanda felt Q stiffen beside her.

"Amanda," the woman gasped in surprise, "What are you doing here? Aren't you on with the _Enterprise_?"

"That's a long story, mom. This is Q," she gestured to the man beside her. Her mother's eyebrows shot up when comparing him to her late teen-age daughter. Amanda knew what she was thinking, wanted to correct her, but couldn't find the words. Q, on the other hand, looked amused. "May we come in?"

"Of course," and then she called over her shoulder as they entered, "Dear, Amanda's home!"

And then it had all come spiraling out of her, the words gushing, tumbling, and she tried to make sense of them because _god knows_ her parents were going to have a hard time believing it. There were moments of shocked silence, anger, of course. But now they were past that, and all that was left were the tears.

Her mother finally gazed up at her. Amanda felt her heart clench; she'd never seen such a forlorn expression on the woman's face. "Do- do you need to pack?"

"Uh- no. I don't need anything where I'm going."

That was obviously the _wrong_ answer.

Her mother burst into noisy tears.

And that was when she felt herself slipping, a great bubble of hurt rising up in the back of her throat. It threatened to spill, break through her clumsily constructed wall of detachment. She wanted to go to her mother and throw her arms around her, crying and sobbing and hiccupping. She wanted to scream with the unfairness of it all. She was being ripped from her home, her life, and she had to be strong about it. But damn it was so hard…

She felt a presence, slow moving but strong, creep into her mind. The panic ebbed, as if someone had begun turning the faucet toward the 'off' position. It felt like hands wrapping around her from behind, holding her up again a warm, solid _something._

_You are much stronger than this._ His voice was leveled somewhere between disdain and contempt, although his actions spoke otherwise.

_I'm watching her break. I'm making her break. This is terrifying._

_It will pass_, he said flippantly.

Amanda gathered herself, trying to exude the utmost calm and understanding façade she could. But inside she was still trembling, crying, railing against the world. He held her like that, inside herself, until she was exhausted and spent. Her parents understood, finally, after more rounds of questioning. They knew she was going, but not gone; she would always be their daughter after all. All that was left was shining anticipation, excitement, and the lingering notion that she couldn't have done it without him.

**Present Day**

In a brilliant flash of light the deck of the _Enterprise _materialized in front of them. Picard, Riker- the entire bridge crew- jumped at the flare, staring as Amanda and Q filtered down into their usual human forms. Worf's hand automatically drew his phaser, but he did not fire. A few of the younger ensigns looked astonished, frightened, but Amanda had to stifle a laugh at the bored expression on the Captain's face, like he knew what was about to happen and had resigned himself to the fact that there was no escape. Q had that effect on people. But then he caught sight of Amanda, and smiled.

"Amanda," he rose from his chair, "It's been too long." That's right, she thought, it's been five years for them. It had felt like mere moments to her, to the Q. But he _did_ look aged, didn't he? A slight creasing of the face…. She could notice every minute deterioration in him. And the same for Riker, Worf, Deanna- well, not Data, obviously. She and Q hadn't aged a day... well, _she_ had, but that was on purpose, Q still looked as boyishly impecable as when they first met. Amanda felt him give her a light squeeze where they were still linked by the arm. She untangled herself from him, stepping over to give Picard a welcomed hug.

"I hope we're not interrupting," she said as they broke apart.

"No, not at all. We are currently en-route to the Tulcarean system. Starfleet has gathered some strange fluctuations in that area's energy readings," He glanced at Q out of the corner of his eye, but the focus was quickly returned to Amanda. "To what do we owe the pleasure of your visit?"

Before she could open her mouth to speak Q cut her off, "Isn't it obvious, Jean-Luc? We're honeymooning!" Everyone stared in silence. Amanda reddened. He had absolutely _zero_ tact! Could he at least just stand there and let _her_ explain? Of course not.

Riker let out a sharp bark of laughter, but then no one joined him, and the amused expression quickly drained from his face. "Joke… right?" He ventured.

"You wound us, oh foul human," Q stepped up and wrapped an arm around Amanda's shoulders, as if it shielded her from Riker's cruel words. "Don't you see? We've eloped! Like the poor, ancient star-crossed lovers of that Shakespeare you hold so dear, Picard! Spurned by our own people, _tormented_ from-"

It wasn't like that at all, Amanda thought, at least not _yet_. She hadn't even stopped to think about the Q. What would be their reaction? Q had always lived life on the fringes of continuum society but surely this was a step too far. Or was it? Amanda had little knowledge in the way of normal Q relationships.

Picard turned calmly from them, "Mr. Data, how long until we reach our destination?"

"Two days twelve hours, Sir," the android responded instantly.

"Good," he said absently, "Very good." Turning back to them Amanda could see he was forcing himself to stay even, calm, when there was silent rage just boiling underneath. He voice was the most strained she had ever heard from him, "Why don't we," he cleared his throat, "step into my ready room?"

"Mon capitaine, I must protest!"

"Shh," Amanda put a hand on his arm. Q glanced down at the contact, at where her skin brushed feather-light over his, and blessed be he went silent. Beyond them, Riker's mouth fell open. Amanda smiled at Picard, an expression in which she hoped to convey her deepest, sincere apologies. It was little comfort, she knew, but it was something.

The Captain tilted his head in a curt nod, moving past them. Q then vanished, teleporting no doubt to the ready room, heading him off. Amanda sighed, glancing up with embarrassment at the others who were watching her. Deanna Troi caught her gaze. She looked both confused and apprehensive. She was Empathic, Amanda reminded herself, and briefly wondered if she was struggling to read her and Q's emotions, or if she had already read them and was now thoroughly confused. Amanda allowed another apologetic look before exiting the bridge.

As the door closed behind her, Amanda was inundated with an argument already in progress.

"I don't give a damn, Q," Picard was saying, seated in his chair.

Q was perched on the edge of the desk, leaning over him, "But Jean-Luc, we only came to visit, say hello. Won't you let us stay a few days?"

Picard glanced up at Amanda. "I've called Dr. Crusher, I'm sure she's anxious to see you."

"Wonderful," Q clasped his hands together, "I love reunions!" Amanda sank silently down on the sofa.

"In all seriousness," Picard continued, speaking directly to her, not even bothering to acknowledge Q, "Is there something wrong in the continuum? Something we should know about? I can hardly think of a good reasons to warrant your sudden arrival." Q waved a hand in front of the Captain's face; it was a wonder the Frenchman could ignore it.

Amanda went slightly pink, "We just wanted to say hello. Nothings wrong per-say. The continuum gets a bit…" she searched for a human word that would fit, "Noisy, crowded. I'm hardly use to it by now; I needed a break. Are you sure that's okay?"

Picard smiled, "You are welcome here any time."

"_Her?_ What about _me?_" Q whined. But at that moment the door opened and Beverley strode in, glancing around the room. Her face darkened at seeing Q, but Amanda stood, drawing her attention, and the woman beamed.

"Oh, Amanda, look at you!" Crusher crooned, giving her a tight hug, "You're more beautiful then ever." From over the doctor's shoulder she could see Q watching her very intently. "What are you doing here?"

Amanda opened her mouth to give the same explanation she had Picard, but Q was looking incredibly wounded. It would be missed, usually, under all that flippant exterior, but it was the way his mouth turned slightly down in a pout that tipped her off. She settled on saying, "Q and I are taking a vacation."

"Together," interjected Q. Beverley shot him a confused look.

"Yes," Amanda sighed, "Together."

"As lovers," he concluded, folding his arms in a triumphant gesture.

So he wanted to jump in head first, did he? Well _fine_, she didn't need to be coddled. "Yes," she conceded again, "As lovers." A thrill shot down her spine. She cursed herself for the way the admission both embarrassed and excited her. He knew just how to push her buttons. Q was smiling slyly.

Dr. Crusher let out a scoff, clearly taking it as a joke, as Riker had. Picard however was past the denial stage. He sighed heavily, looking down at the table, collecting his thoughts. "Amanda, if I may be utterly frank, you are making a very bad decision."

"Oh come on Jean-Luc," Crusher was staring at the Captain like he had three heads, "You can't think they're serious." She rounded on Amanda, "You're not serious…" Amanda gave her a _look_. "No way. Absolutely not."

Now it was Amanda's turn to feel anger swell inside her, "I'm not a child, I'm not asking anyone for permission."

"Do you have any idea what Q is capable of?" Picard steepled his hands.

"I'm sitting _right here_," Q spat.

That was a strange question. Of course she _knew_ what he was capable of. He could destroy civilizations, he could re-order time, he could blink their entire ship out of existence…and he could kiss her till her knees gave out. He was vicious and mean and nasty and he swept her up in his arms and he _believed_ in her. No one had believed in her like that before. And besides, she wasn't human; he couldn't torment her like he tormented mortals.

"Q is capable of a lot more 'good' then you give him credit for."

"He's killed members of my crew!"

Q threw up his hands, "We've been over that! And besides, you're acting like I'm taking advantage of _her_! What about _me_? What if she's using _me_, Jean-Luc? What if she's using me to act out all her insatiable human fantasies?"

Picard massaged the bridge of his nose, "I'm not listening to this."

Amanda clasped her hands, trying a neutral tone. "We're not here to make trouble, Captain. We'd just like to catch up with friends and then be on our way. If we could have a room-"

"Separate rooms," the Frenchman interjected.

"That's not going to stop us," Q hinted darkly, all manor of unspoken dalliances hiding beneath his words. Picard looked very much like he wanted to hit him.

Beverley interceded, "Why don't I show Amanda to her quarters? I'm sure she's been through a lot, she must exhausted." Her tone indicated Amanda needn't feel either of those things but that extracting both herself and Q from the Captain's presence was of paramount importance.

The Captain nodded, "Yes of course." Q moved off the table, taking a step towards the two women. "You, on the other hand," Picard ground out, "will stay right here. I'd like to have a word with you."

"It would be my pleasure mon capitaine!" His voice was cut off by the ready room door sliding closed.

Amanda let out a sigh of relief. It could have been worse, a lot worse. Q could have been in a _mood_. But in reality he was in remarkably good spirits. Better than Amanda had seen him since he arrived back to the continuum, better than in a long time. Beverley walked briskly up the side of the bridge.

"Commander?" She looked at Will, who stood, straightening his uniform "Do we have an open room for our guests?"

"Of course, right this way. Data, you have the bridge."

The three entered the turbolift, and Amanda leaned back against the wall. Maybe Crusher was right, she did feel exhausted. When was the last time she let herself _sleep_? Sleep wasn't required, her being a Q and all, but sometimes it seemed to recharge her batteries in just the right way. Besides, she hadn't transitioned into staying awake for an extended amount of time. Too many years in the routine of twenty-four hour days had made her a tad bit fond of sleep.

"Deck eight," Riker quipped. The turbolift hummed to life.

Beverley turned to her, "I have to get back to sick bay, but I would love time to catch up with you. Would you be available this evening, around nineteen hundred hours? Deanna and I could meet you in Ten Forward for some girl talk."

Yeah, 'girl talk'. More like a lecture. But Amanda nodded, "Yes, of course. It's been a while since I ate." Beverley's eyebrow creased, but Amanda pretended not to notice. She didn't want to pin down exactly how long 'a while' was; it might alarm them.

"Great, I'll let Deanna know."

The lift came to a halt and Will exited, motioning for Amanda to follow. She looked back at Beverley to give her a warm smile before the doors slid closed. She followed Riker down the corridor, catching up with him as they rounded the next intersection.

"So, have you been traveling the cosmos?"

Amanda smiled sheepishly, "I did for a while, seeing new and wondrous things. It's odd… I can't describe to you some of what I saw, your mind wouldn't be able to comprehend it."

Riker chuckled, "Must be nice. For someone who wanted to join Starfleet you're probably doing more now than you ever could have come out of the Academy."

"I'm still learning…"

"Is that what Q says?" That note of contempt was easily discernable.

"I know this is hard to hear, but most of the time Q's correct in what he says. He may be a complete ass but he doesn't normally lie to people."

"Uh-huh."

Q simply bent the truth… or saw it from a new perspective.

It sounds, her mind retorted, as if you're defending him. Well of course she would defend him. He was her mentor, her- well, he was important to her. And he supported her. But _why_, her mind demanded. Why was he so enamored with her? Was it because she showed glimmers of that human nature he found so addictive? Was it because of her power? Or did he really love her…

Amanda took a deep breath, trying to steer away from such touchy subjects as Q and his ever-enigmatic motives. She ran a hand over the wall as they walked, regarding the ship around them, "You know, she's exactly like I remember." Truth be told, even if flying through the cosmos was much faster than a starship, she loved the _Enterprise. _It embodied everything she felt was _good_ and _right_ in the universe.

Riker grinned, "Doesn't change much, too be honest."

"Her hull might not alter, but it's the people inside her that grow and evolve. It's more like a symbiotic relationship." She could feel life harmonizing inside these walls. For a moment she understood why Q found the humans here so intensely interesting. Riker was silent the rest of there journey to the next hallway, stopping outside a room. He pressed the command pad, the doors sliding open. Amanda moved past him, marveling at how spacious the suite was, fit more for a dignitary or head of state then stowaways like them. The crystal table situated in the middle of the room glistened as the lights were automatically raised. Arcing windows, making up the opposite wall, streaked white dots of light as they rushed through space at warp speed. It was beautiful, Amanda marveled. Riker stood in the doorway, watching her as she sunk into an armchair.

The Commander paused for a moment, thinking. Amanda could have easily reach out and tap his mind, read all the members of the crew, but that would be cheating. She enjoyed being human when she wanted to, and so she waited for him to speak. Eventually he stepped inside the room, doors closing behind him.

"If…" he planted his feet, arms stiffly crossed, "If Q is in some way _forcing_ you… if there is anything we can do… to can protect you."

Amanda blinked, nonplused.

Is _that_ what they thought was going on? That he was kidnapping her or- or something? What an interesting assumption, despite the fact that it was completely false. Amanda knew Q had interfered with the _Enterprise_ crew on more than one occasion, had tormented them at odd intervals in their travels, but it unnerved her that Riker was being absolutely serious. They thought he could harm her. Well that would be impossible. Q could not overpower her. Granted, when compared to mortals his power was limitless, God-like, but to another Q… Amanda was just as powerful as he was, if not more so. He may be more experienced, better trained, but Amanda had the feeling she dwarfed him in raw energy emission. She had felt it back on the planet, right before she tore it to pieces. She had pulled so hard he had called to her, strain and fright lacing his voice; and when they joined she could see how much her power had unnerved him. For someone so young, Q had thought, Amanda shouldn't be able to produce so much force. Maybe, Amanda reasoned, she was a misfit no matter what species she pretended to be. Besides, crude power wasn't how Q 'dominated' her; it was her human emotions that he could draw on as simply as puppet strings… and yet… she did love him, even if he was a heartache. Such an infuriating contradiction…

"You look confused," Riker said in a tone suggesting there was nothing remotely confusing about the conversation.

Amanda touched her forehead with the back of her hand, "I know this may sound like complete crap to you but I'm not with Q because he's forcing me." She didn't want to say more; it would be like airing their dirty laundry. She found, with surprise, that she didn't _want_ Riker to know how she felt. It was _private._

Riker cocked his head but said nothing. She could read him, though. She didn't want to invade his mind but it was so prevalent she might as well pick it up via facial expressions. He thought she was lying, but then part of him thought she was crazy enough to be serious. Amanda found she didn't really care. She couldn't go around proving her feelings. How were you supposed to _prove_ you loved someone? Ridiculous.

"I'll leave you to it then," he turned, opening the sliding doors, "Don't hesitate to ask either the Captain or myself if there's a problem." Amanda nodded mutely, watching the doors close behind him. There was a time when she had found that man attractive. He was sure of himself, cocky, but gentle. Someone like Commander Riker would be a good match, a safe bet. Well, she'd gone for the opposite, hadn't she? Nothing like Q to up the tension a notch or two.

"Computer, time?"

"The time is fifteen minutes past seventeen hundred hours," the computer chirped.

Less than two hours before 'dinner'….

Amanda rolled her shoulders, letting her arms swing, trying to work out the kinks. She was still feeling woozy from her power expulsion back on the planet. Q's transference of energy had been a temporary booster, a flare to her waning power, but she need desperately to rest. Much like a human's collapse after copious amounts of sugar, she felt herself crashing. "Computer," the recognition chime sounded as Amanda padded over to the bed, "Alarm clock set at fifteen minutes before nineteen hundred hours." She climbed on top of the duvet cover, drawing up her knees. "Dim lights." The room instantly darkened.

Laying there, staring up at the streak of stars, Amanda wondered what Q and the Captain were talking about. She_ could_ read Q... but he had been so furious the last time, and Amanda still wasn't skilled enough to probe him and not get lost. Plus it would drain her energy even further. Turning over, restless, she tried a deep breathing technique, artificially calming her body. It had been so long… She gazed up at the stars. Could she just will her body to sleep? Force herself to close her eyes and drift off?

She hummed a few notes of a lullaby her mother use to sing. It was short and silly… and it reminded her of being little again, tucked into bed by her parents. Sometimes her father would read her stories, but more often then not her mother would sing sweet melodies to calm her. She also remembered how instantly they use to put her to sleep. She played the song over again in her head. It was muted enough as to not carry past the confines of the ship, but Q was sure to notice. For some reason that amused her.

Before sleep took over, as Amanda was tilting on the precipice between wakefulness and dreams, she heard a sound emanating from very far a way… a mere whisper. For a moment she thought it was an echo of her mother's lulabie. But this sound was new, distored. It sounded as if someone were crying. High-pitched and frantic… it was a child calling out from deep within the blackness of space. She tried to sort it out, analyze it, but she was too far gone to pull back awake. Amanda sunk into sleep, the tiny voice echoing strangely in her head.

* * *

A/n- Okay, well, this little fic seems to have taken on a life of its own here. You may have noticed the story summary's changed a bit, and that's because I had no idea this was going to evolve into what's its now become.

With that said, I've out a story of about… ten chapters total, estimated, with a plot and _everything_ lol (as oppose to directionless fluff). So if you've been enjoying thus far, please stick around for the next 7-ish chapters. I'll be worth it, I promise.

I'd love feedback/constructive criticism, so **please** read and review. I'll give you a cookie if you do!


	4. Perchance To Dream

Xenon

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**Perchance To Dream**

**

* * *

**

Amanda listed in and out of images, sounds, feelings, buffeted this way and that in her sleep. She could easily end it all, force herself awake, but the dream rolled forward like waves and she was happy enough to let it continue. There were no disturbing images as of yet, no creeping dream-like terror. In fact, she hadn't had a nightmare in a long time. Amanda moved forward, slipping through the mind-space like wading through a pool. It was fluffy, pleasurably so, like the wisps of cloud or marshmallow cream.

Nothing was tangible until it was.

The first scene, swimming up through layers of haze, was of her mother in the kitchen of her childhood home. She'd recognize those ugly green cupboards anywhere. From her position Amanda gathered she was watching the scene as a child would, looking up at her mother bent over the open oven, shuffling around a tray of cookies perhaps. The dress upon her small body itched slightly. Absently she scratched under the arm cuff.

Although Amanda was fully conscious that she was in fact dreaming, it didn't stop her child-like form from opening its mouth and speaking, "Grandpa said you're not my real mommy."

Oh.

_This_ memory…

Amanda watched at her mother stiffened, back still to her. She finished turning whatever it was in the oven, closing the door with an oven mitt. Child-Amanda was not placated or pleased with being ignored. "Is it true? What Grandpa said?"

'Grandpa' was a drunk, and he had passed away only a few years after this had memory occurred. He was a war veteran, a loudmouth, and unceremoniously confessing to Amanda her true linage through copious glasses of scotch was one of the more manageable disasters he'd concocted in the last years of life. Amanda couldn't really remember _why_ he had divulged such coveted information. It was strange; her omnipotence spanned every aspect in her life except the time when she was very, very young. It was as if her human form had locked away her power, and even now she had a hard time seeing things as easily as she should, being a Q.

Her mother turned, wearing an expression Amanda could only now identify as pain. The woman bent down, taking the child by the shoulders and pulling her close. The hug was warm, encompassing, a physical apology for what was about to pass between them.

The dream tilted, shifted, and Amanda was deposited in her bedroom. It had changed from when she was a child; now the quiet study space of an adolescent girl. Amanda was sitting at her desk, pouring over schematics, pamphlets, manuals of the _Enterprise_. Elation flared through her has she contemplated the vastness of space outside her window, beyond the sky above her.

She knew almost every deck by heart; all she had to do was study a bit harder. Her Bio project had been due two days previous; she had poured every piece of herself into that experiment. If it won her a space on the _Enterprise_… just the thought of it…

In a sudden jolt Amada sunk through the floor of her bedroom, moving within the dreamscape to another scene. For a moment she was falling through space. It wasn't alarming, she'd flown through space enough times to know she could stop it. Amanda-land loomed out before her, barren and quiet, not a single sign of vibrant green life upon its surface. She felt a jolt of pain at the sight of what she had destroyed. Amanda reached out to try and touch the surface. To her surprise her hands fit around the planet as easily as if it were a Christmas ornament. She felt power surge within her fingertips. Letting go of the little sphere it hovered between her hands, glowing and rotating. Greenery, life, flickered over the planet like strobe lights, moving like mist.

_You are never to loose that part of you, Amanda, despite how the others treat you._

She shivered. It was like he was speaking from a far off place- then across the room- inside her skull. It shifted so suddenly. And then Q was right behind her, his mouth flush against the shell of her ear.

_The Q have no concept of what you truly are, what potential you have, how key you are to our future…_

The planet in her hands glowed and shimmered. Amanda could feel his hands heavy upon her shoulders.

_and for that I love you._

She stared at Amanda-land, the surface still shifting from barren rock to lush green life and back again. It filled the whole of her vision, blurring everything else. Faintly she was aware of Q's presence drifting away. It was white, all around her, but unlike before it was a hot, heady white. And there was a voice… steadily growing louder.

_Where are you? _She called out in the dream, and she wasn't sure if she meant the disembodied voice or Q.

The voice did not answer, but the orb in her hands twisted into a different planet. No longer was there desolate rock, instead sulfurous clouds enveloped the now giant gas giant. Whirlwinds cloaked the actual surface with violent dust storms and crackling electric discharge. Over the deafening, pounding noise, someone was crying.

A child… she could hear a child's voice.

_Where are you? I can't find you!_

The child wailed.

_Lectus V…_

Something was pulling her away; she could feel her body waking up. _Wait! Is that where you are? Is that the planet? Lectus V? Tell me! Tell me! Tell-_

"-me!" Amanda woke with a start, face pressed into the comforter. She shook her head, trying to rid herself of the strange lingering echo.

Lectus V…

Where was that? She'd never heard of that place before. Amanda threw her powers outward, a long reaching net, searching for information among the cosmos. Nothing came. Could it really be some made-up place? A conjuring of her own imagination?

"Sleep well?" Q was lounging in one of the armchairs across the room, watching her. Amanda sat up, rubbing her eyes. Truthfully, yes, but she wouldn't tell him that. Amanda paused, confused for a moment. She looked down, realizing she was clad in a Starfleet uniform, blue, much like Troi's. She threw Q a look, eyebrow raised, but it was hard to keep the smile off her face. He was sporting similar regalia, only red.

"Has the Captain finally finished with you… Commander?" She added with a hint of sarcasm.

Q shrugged, "It would seem so."

She swung her legs over the side of the bed, "What was so pressing?"

"Oh, the usual! Him railing on about how insufferable I am, egotistical-"

"Hardheaded, cheeky, with a complete disregard for authority." Amanda ticked off each trait on a finger.

"Yes, yes! You've made your point!"

She folded her arms, watching him with a penetrating stare. Q leaned forward to sniff at the vase of flowers on the table. "Why did you have to do that?" Amanda asked after a long pause.

Q picked a petal off one of the stems, "Do what?"

He knew exactly 'what', but would make her say it anyway the bastard. "Embarrass me like that on the bridge. They didn't have to know."

He raised an eyebrow in her direction, "And _lie_ to them?" A slow moving smile formed upon his lips, "You enjoyed it."

She colored. "That's completely besides the point…" Although to him that probably _was_ the point. "Besides," she pressed, "we're not _engaged_ or something. It's just…"

In a flash Q was sitting beside her, "Just what?" Was it her imagination or did he sound a tad indignant? "A test? An experiment? Like one of the android's programs?" Amanda was taken aback. But why did they have to define their… Amanda cringed at the word- relationship? Couldn't it just _be_ without human tags like "boyfriend" or "mate"? They were Q! Weren't they supposed to be _beyond_ petty titles and subjective gender rolls?

"No, of course not." Amanda smiled deviously, "I didn't know you cared what they thought."

Q frowned, "I don't!"

"Okay," she said neutrally, fingers drumming absently on her kneecaps. His gaze traveled down, slowly she noticed, from her face to her tapping fingertips. His head cocked to the side and she stopped, pausing, waiting for some clue. He took her hand where it was resting and placed it on the back of his opposite hand like he was testing something. Nothing happened. He tried again, tapping her fingertips to his skin and looked puzzled.

It was so adorably cute Amanda had to keep herself from grinning like an idiot. She pulled her fingers away from his grasp, reaching for his hand and letting her fingers run soft circular motions over his knuckles. In a lightning gesture he snatched her wrist, pulling her hand away. She paused, waiting. Eventually he spoke.

"That feels… strange."

"It feels _good_," she clarified.

"Impossible! Only when I was human did I feel those types of sensations."

"How do you know?" He went quiet. "What if that was just the first time you were exposed to them? That doesn't mean you never _could_ feel them. I can feel them."

"You were born in human form, only later realized your Q powers. I have always been a Q. I occasionally take human shape."

"Then why do you feel it now?" He couldn't answer that. "Maybe it's because you _want_ to?" She leaned against him, holding his hand in hers. He was so frightened of feeling anything it was amazing he'd let Amanda in at all. He wanted to experience it so badly, but he was more comfortable on the other side of the glass, a visitor in the museum. Well… she had experience in _feeling_ and _emotion_- not that he couldn't do 'obnoxious' and 'petulance', but there was more to it then just negativity. There was joy, wonder, pleasure… and not the kind of pleasure one felt when running amuck around the _Enterprise_.

Tentatively, so as to not frighten him- frighten Q? Ridiculous… - Amanda drew her hand up along the seam line of his uniform. Her fingers found the nape of his neck, massaging slightly. He relaxed a fraction, tilting his head; they were face to face, barely a breath between them. God if she let go for just a moment she'd loose herself in him. It was a tantalizing prospect, but Amanda had a bit more restraint than that. A bit.

"Picard doesn't understand what you see in me," his voice was barely a rumble; Amanda could feel it in her chest.

She leaned her forehead against his, "He doesn't have to." There was a moment where she was about to tell him what Riker had said, that he thought Q was taking advantage of her, but reconsidered. Instead she kissed him, hard, unlike the tentative peck back on the planet's surface. He was better prepared this time around; it didn't take him nearly as long to respond. Q fought her for dominance, thrusting his tongue inside her mouth before she had a chance to do it herself. She replied in kind.

"The time is currently fifteen minutes before nineteen hundred hours."

Amanda made a start of surprise at the computer's interruption. "Damn it," she hissed. Q paused, his mouth ceasing its decent down her jaw line. He drew away, eyes lidded. He looked glazed, disoriented. And yet there was still that darkness in his eyes, that predatory hunger. It was there and then it was gone again. He pulled back further, untangling himself and stood to straighten his uniform. When he turned back around all the emotion she'd seen flickering over his face was gone, replaced by his usual bored expression. Her heart clenched. "Sorry," she whispered.

But it was like nothing had happened at all. "Meeting in Ten Forward?" He quipped. Amanda nodded, materializing a brush to run through her disheveled head of hair. She fixed it back into its usual bun.

Something nagged at the back of her mind. "Q?" His eyes flitted up to where she stood at the door. "Have you ever heard ofLectus V?"

His forehead crinkled in thought as he searched his knowledge of the universe, "No." He frowned.

Amanda bit her lip, "I had a dream. I kept hearing the name Lectus V and visualizing this strange planet. It might be nothing… I could have just imagined it. If it _were_ real we should be able to see it, sense it, right? Or I am just going crazy?"

Q sank into a chair; he didn't even look at her. "A simple dream." Amanda nodded, waiting him to say more. He didn't. She sighed heavily, exiting the room.

Out in the hallway, where the lights were bright and officers passed briskly in the hallways, Amanda walked first with an air of resignation. However as she continued her stroll her mood continued to improve. She delighted in the beehive humm of work around her; it was so much like the continuum, but vastly different at the same time. Like the continuum, the _Enterprise_ was a collection of beings living and comingling; a collective. But unlike the continuum these humans had drive, need, the will to push past boundaries others would set for them. The Q were equally self indulgent, brash, but they did not possess that unbridled passion for the _new_ and _unknown_. Maybe it was because the Q thought they knew everything anyway, so what was the point? Amanda disagreed. No one, not even a Q, could know _everything_ about everything.

She took the turbolift two decks lower, tipping up onto the balls of her feet. She felt nineteen again; wild-eyed and excitable. Fireworks sparked in the pit of her stomach. The door to Ten Forward slid open and Amanda stepped inside, hands clasped behind her back. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the dim lighting. She spotted Deanna and Beverley sitting at a table across the room. Troi waved; Amanda grinned. She nearly skipped up the steps.

"Hi!" She beamed, slipping into a chair.

"It's good to see you," Deanna smiled, " You must tell us where you've been these past few years."

What a question! Where should she start? The inside of converging black holes? Stars birthing and dying right in front of her eyes? The sensation of diffusing into simple string energy and back again?

"That's an impossible question, Councilor. I suppose I've been… everywhere."

Crusher picked up her drink, "That's a frightening prospect."

"It does take a while to get use to traveling in space without the protection of a ship," Amanda conceded. "But the payout totally outweighs the risks. It's amazing. And I've been training, honing my powers. Stuff doesn't just appear when I think it anymore, only when I concentrate."

Troi straightened in her chair. "Would you like something to eat? Are you hungry? We have so much catching up to do… I'm sure you'd like something."

Amanda sighed wistfully. _Food_. She hadn't had food in such a long time. What should she ask for? "Um… grilled cheese and a chocolate malt? Is that do-able?" Deanna nodded, looking pointedly over at Guinan.

"Have you been visiting your parents?" The woman continued.

Amanda nodded, "Oh yeah, every chance I get. They've been really supportive through this whole transition process. At first I had this really awful feeling that they weren't going to understand, you know?"

"It can be hard for parents to let go of their children," Beverley leaned back in her chair, "I had a hard enough time letting Wes go…"

"Well, it's frightening when you go out alone. That very human feeling of being trapped bobbing out in space, just drifting in the black… it can get very maddening. I just have to keep it in my mind that I can fold back into the continuum anytime I want to."

"Convenient."

"Yeah, tell me about it. Except they don't really like me," Amanda laughed.

Troi tilted her head to the side, "What do you mean?"

Amanda flushed, "It's just… I think I'm a little black sheep when compared to the rest of the Q. They see me as being too influence=ed by human emotion. But it's okay, really, I'm not completely alone."

"So you and Q have been traveling the universe… together?"

Amanda bristled, "Why does everyone say it in that _tone_?"

Walking up, Guinan placed a cup and a plate laden with her food down onto the table, "Because Q is the type of being you shove out an airlock." And then, without any invitation whatsoever, she sat herself down in the available chair. She patted Amanda's hand in a motherly way, "I know you think it's all well and good, having a bit of fun with him, but he's dangerous. He's destroyed more than one innocent life, I'd hate to see him ruin yours."

"But…" Amanda squinted at her chocolate shake, twirling the straw around in her fingers, "He's not like that." Guinan's lips pursed into a thin line.

"He's more than just a troublemaker," Beverly quipped, "He's killed people."

Amanda looked at Deanna for help, but she was staring at her clasped hands. This was insane. "First Commander Riker thinks Q's taking advantage of me-"

"Is he?"

"No!" She squirmed in her chair. She slipped the straw into her mouth before murmuring very quietly, "I happen to…" She trailed off, embarrassment silencing her.

Guinan chuckled, resting her chin in her hand, "Oh dear, you don't love him."

Amanda swallowed her drink, "The hell I don't."

"All right," Deanna put up a hand, "Amanda is an adult now; we should let her make her own decisions. I agree that while Q isn't the most… amiable person out there, that doesn't give us the excuse to dictate who Amanda decides to love, or date for that matter."

"Would you let _your_ friend date a psychopath?"

"He's not a psychopath! He's just…" Amanda took a deep breath. One the one hand she could expose him, tell his secrets, and then perhaps gain sympathy from the other women. Or she could take it, bare their hurtful words, and pretend they didn't bother her. But they did, a lot. "Q just wants to understand people. He can't relate. I can be that liaison between him and the more refined aspects of human culture." Beverley snorted at the word 'refined'. Grumpily, Amanda took a bite of her sandwich. Her expression brightened under the circumstances. "Oh this is good…"

Guinan looked at Amanda seriously, "I don't think you fully understand what Q has done. Can you even conceive of the trouble he's caused?"

"I know I might not have been around Q when he tormented the crew, but he's never shown any kind of violence towards _me_. Sure he can be a twit, insensitive sometimes, downright annoying others, but we could be saying the same thing for any human man."

"Human men don't usually transport people into subspace just for kicks. You should be disgusted by his behavior out of sheer principle."

Amanda said nothing, taking another bite of her grilled cheese. This was so unfair it made her teeth hurt. Just because he was omnipotent, a non-human… But you have to admit, she thought, he has been especially nasty when it comes to the _Enterprise_. But that too could be explained by his ignorance. Doesn't a child pull of the wings of a bug to see how it flies? But was that _really_ an excuse? Her mind ran round in circles.

"I think it's great," Deanna set her glass down on the table with a _clink_. "If Q is at the point in his existence where companionship is a preferable distraction to mindlessly causing mayhem throughout the universe, more power to him." Guinan shook her head again, standing to leave the table.

When she had left Amanda leaned in conspiratorially, "What's wrong with her? I know Q can turn people's lives upside-down but… that was quite a reaction."

"We're not too sure ourselves," Beverley admitted, "The general consensus is that Q managed to torment her people a _very_ long time ago. She's never really forgiven him, but then he hasn't shown one iota of regret either, so there you go. One thing I have been wondering, Amanda," she shared a small smile with the Councilor, "Five years ago you first met Q and thought he was horrible. What changed?"

Amanda tapped her fingers thoughtfully on the table. It wasn't as if she ever _stopped_ thinking he was terrible… she'd just realized- over the course of spending so much time with him- that he was just too layered to take at face value. He was passionate underneath all the bravado, outspoken, and as much as he berated the humans he did advocate for them against the council on a number of occasions; which _Enterprise _crew knew nothing about. He was, Amanda had concluded, very much like Picard; more then he would have liked her to notice. On the other hand they were right; he was dangerous, sardonic, and villainous- and there was an element of her, no matter how much she tried to pretend it didn't exist, that was thrilled by that dark part of him.

"I guess…" she started slowly, "I just grew to know him."

Troi picked up her glass, glancing at Beverley, "He was teasing the Captain up on the bridge until Amanda silenced him. I was surprised he even listened."

Amanda laughed, "That's a rarity, trust me."

The three sat in silence for a moment, the only sound being Amana's straw sucking down another inch of malt.

"Do you think," she said finally, "Engineering would mind me poking my head in tomorrow? I'd love to see what else they've been doing since I've been gone."

"I'm sure it wouldn't be a problem," Troi smiled.

But something in the back of her mind was floating dangerously close to the surface, smoke curling out into the air, tendrils licking at her subconscious. Amanda paused mid-chew on a bite of sandwich. Deanna leaned in, "Is something wrong?" Yes and No. She _knew_ something was 'up' but she couldn't place whether it was a negative feeling or not. But it was definitely present, a discernable weight. The fact that her powers were in no way helpful was alarming. She should be able to think about it and _poof_ she'd know what's wrong, or what was so significant. Only one word was really getting through to her, a clear beacon, throbbing around in her temples.

"Um, have either you ever heard of Lectus V?"

**.o.o.o.o.**

"Lectus V? Yes, that seems familiar." Picard was nursing a cup of tea behind the desk of his ready room. When Deanna had felt how pressing this question was to Amanda, she and Beverley had taken her up to the bridge. Picard ushered them inside, Troi and the Doctor seating themselves on the sofa as Amanda sank into the chair. Picard tapped a few keys on his monitor. "Interesting…"

Amanda perked up, "What? What is it?"

"It seems Lectus V is one of the sub-planets within the system we are heading to. Perhaps your dream was some sort of premonition?"

Amanda shook her head, "I don't know. I should be able to conjure up the energy to simply _know_ about Lectus V. My Q powers could do it easily… but this is different. I can't even see the planet in my mind's eye. All I keep hearing his a child crying."

Deanna stirred, "A child? Is the planet populated?"

"According to this," Picard motioned to the monitor, "there are no life signs. Should we ask Q if he knows anything more?"

"Unfortunately, mon capitaine, I'm as clueless as the girl." Q had materialized by the doorframe without any of them noticing, except Amanda, who had felt just the briefest inkling before his arrival. She frowned. _Girl?_ Thanks a lot… "In fact," he continued, looking troubled, "I had just reassured her said planet didn't even exist."

Picard tapped a finger. "But how is that possible? The Q are suppose to perceive everything."

Q frowned, "A most displeasing irony…"

"Maybe…" Amanda said, "we should to stay on the ship until we reach the Tulcarean system. Maybe Lectus V is the epicenter of those strange readings that Starfleet's observed. Maybe it's the strange temporal energy emission that are effecting our perceptions of the universe, cloaking the planet."

"But _why_? For what purpose?"

"It could be anything," she reasoned, "or it could be nothing at all. I think Q and I should stay until we figure it out. The continuum would certainly be interested in learning about whatever it is that's blocking our powers."

The Captain nodded, "Agreed. Computer, time."

"The time is five minutes before twenty hundred hours."

Picard tapped his comm badge, "Mr. Data, how long would it take to reach the Tulcarean system at maximum warp?"

"Approximately seventeen hours, Sir," came the reply.

"Make it so." Picard stood, adjusting his uniform. "The only thing we can do right now is wait. I suggest we retire and pick up this conversation in the morning." Beverly bid them goodnight, insisting she had a bank of cultures to observe before the night was through. Amanda thanked the Captain, she and Deanna exiting the bridge together. Q followed in silence.

"You said that you heard a child crying when you received the vision of Lectus V?" They entered the turbolift, Q disappearing in a flash of light. He'd skipped ahead to their quarters. She turned to the Counselor, mulling over her question.

"I did… it was definitely a child and… it did appear to be coming _from_ the planet… but the Captain says there isn't any life."

Deanna smiled, "Trust me, that doesn't mean anything. I'm afraid much of our Starfleet information regarding the planets and anomalies we encounter don't always hold the best track record for accuracy."

Amanda frowned, "I have to say, the desperation in the voice was very strong. It was unsettling."

"Will you be having trouble falling asleep again tonight? Disturbing images can often lead to restless nights."

She ran a hand through her hair, huffing, "I doubt it'll be any problem…but thanks for the concern." Arriving at their room, Amanda turned, hand hovering over the command pad. "I'm afraid we've brought loads of trouble onto ship." Leaning in, Deanna put a hand on her shoulder.

"I'm sure the Captain can handle it. Goodnight, Amanda. It really is good to have you back on board." She gave her a kind smile, walking off down the promenade and around the corner.

The room's door slid open and Amanda walked in. And then went very, very still. Q was standing by the window, looking out into space, and he was concentrating so hard she could feel it brushing up against her skin in waves. The door slid closed behind her.

His shoulders were relaxed, hands hanging neatly by his sides. To any other witness he would have looked like he was enjoying the view of stars streaking by. But Amanda could feel his mind; that overwhelming control and strength. It was more intensely focus then what she had experienced down on the planet, but it was no less intimate. Amanda didn't move a single muscle, although he already knew she was there. She could feel the tendrils of his power reach out and brush her, experimentally, before wrapping up her body like a rope.

After another moment, in which a flash of frustration overran Q's calm, she spoke inside herself.

_You can't see it, can you? The planet?_

_No, _he replied, annoyance overlaying in tones too deep and broad to be mimicked by any human voice.

_What about the continuum?_

Q seethed_, It seems as if the same phenomenon is hindering our connection to the Q. There are moments of clarity, where I can feel them, and yet…_ Yeah, Amanda had felt it too, but she had shoved it away, trying to compartmentalize the unease it made her feel. After being connected to the Q for so long there had been at least some part of her growing accustom to it. But now it was muted, almost a distant whisper. It was… wrong.

Amanda walked absently around the room, ending up by the replicator, running a finger over the front panel. _If we combine our energy could we do it?_

_The barrier is very large_, he said_. I doubt it would work unless we were very nearly joined completely. Even then, your lack of experience would make it extremely unstable._

The tone of his voice had stuck her the wrong way. "Is there ever going to be a time where I _won't_ lack experience?" She snapped sharply, the vocal interjection rupturing the concentration Q had been attempting to maintain. He let out a growl of frustration. "You _do_ have a few millennia more practice. That doesn't mean I'm completely useless." She didn't want to get into a shouting match with him; it would ruin her evening. She sighed, "Why don't you eat something?"

"Hah! I have no _need_ to eat _human_ food!"

This was the mood Amanda loathed in him. Now he was going to be all frustrated and incorrigible. Fine. Let him stew like that. She could ignore him… for a time. So they couldn't see into the future, big deal. It was obviously just some natural phenomenon. Once they arrived in the system they'd scan the hell out of the place and figure out that it was some simple anomaly. They'd leave the area being affected and their powers would return. Big deal! She wouldn't let it bother her; she refused.

"Computer. Sample of Earth fruit."

A bowl materialized in the replicator tray. Amanda picked it up happily, tearing off a few grapes and popping them into her mouth.

Q eyed her, "You could simply wish the food into being. Why bother with that idiotic contraption?"

"Because," she managed through a mouthful of blueberries, "It'd be nearly tasteless. This, on the other hand, is like…" she rolled her eyes up in complete abandonment, settling into a chair "oh so damn good."

Q turned sharply, stalking over to her with the air of inspecting something unpleasant. He picked an object out of the bowl. "What is _this_?"

"A banana. You eat-"

Before she could finish he had bitten off the bottom end, peel and all, in one furious gesture. She gaped as he chewed thoughtfully, even swallowed it. Q wrinkled his nose.

"Disgusting!"

Amanda pressed her forehead into her palm, letting out a nervous giggle, "You're suppose to take off that part." Q raised an eyebrow, pulling back the skin. Thoroughly amused she indulged herself in a strawberry and watched his careful dissection. He sniffed at the fruit inside, shoving a piece inside his mouth.

"Hmm."

"Good?" She prompted.

"Spongy."

Amanda cocked her head. That wasn't an adjective she'd usually associated with bananas. "But _good_ right?"

Q sat down opposite her. "I must say I do approve of the…." he grinned mischievously, "obvious phallic shape." Amanda attempted to disappear down into her chair- with little success.

"Does everything you say have to revolve around making me extremely uncomfortable?" She threw a strawberry in his direction; Q caught it easily, popping that too into his mouth.

"You react like a human."

She waved him off, determined not to show him how much effect he was having, "Old habits die hard."

Q reached for the other banana, holding in his hand so the stem aimed in her direction. He made an effort of using it as if he were pointing an accusatory finger at her. "It would be simple enough to rid yourself of those otherwise involuntary responsed, and yet you allow certain human traits to carry over into your present form. Interesting. And as I said before, you enjoy it." The quirk of his eyebrow was just too much; Amanda laughed, the sound bubbling up from her diaphragm. Q chewed silently, smug smile firmly set upon his face.

Once she reined in control Amanda clasped her hands together, standing up, "Okay. Human fruit: check. What's next? You've already tried chocolate sundaes…" He was suddenly behind her, chin almost resting on her shoulder.

"Is that your plan, then?" Although he attempted to sound threatening she couldn't get past the very proximity of him; it made her tense in anticipation. He continued as if he'd noticed no change. "Lock me up in this room…" Don't think about the subtext, Amanda chided herself. Don't think about- "feeding me human food in some hope it will inspire… understanding?"

She was thinking words, very good ones to throw back at him, but her mouth couldn't formulate the necessary sounds. Eventually she was able to issue a quiet, "No?" It wasn't supposed to come out a question.

As if nothing had happened at all Q left her, reappearing again at the table. "Good," he folded his arms, "I'll try something else."

Amanda was frozen where she stood, afraid that taking another step might reveal just how quickly her legs had turned to jelly. God damn him. God damn those little games he played. And god damn how well they worked on her…

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A/N- Please read and review!


	5. Trip Wire

Xenon

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Trip Wire

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This time around Amanda didn't wake with jolting start. There had been no strange, cryptic dreams filling her head. In fact, it felt like she'd just hit the pillow only moments before. Eyes still shut she adjusted her uniform and stretched out. There had been no need to change for bed, no need to sleep under the covers. Her clothes didn't get mussed anyway, and she didn't have to feel the cold. Sometimes these powers were more than a little bit useful. Amanda relished in the feel of the micro-foam mattress under her, the type that held your body's indentation in its spongy material.

She and Q had staid up late into the night, Amanda force-feeding him Earth food until she was sick to her stomach just watching. But at least it had seemed to distract him from his worry about the Continuum. She had tried to persuade him to try and sleep too, but that went over like a lead balloon. He was so vehemently opposed to it that it perked her interest.

"Why?" She'd said slowly, a smile creeping onto her face.

Q had glanced at her where he was observing a drab paining hanging on the wall. "Bad experience," he quipped quickly.

Amanda had folded her arms, eyebrow arched. "Are you ever going to tell me what happened when you were human?" He always dodged any kind of attempt of revealing information about that particular experience. The only time she had ever glimpsed anything about it was when she had invaded is mind, and that had been completely by accident. " The only thing I know of was when Guinen stabbed you with s fork…"

Q threw her an exasperated look. "That... _creature _has no sense of decency!"

"Pot calling the kettle…"

"Yes, yes, and all _that_," he remarked grumpily as Amanda shifted to the bed.

She had grabbed one of the pillows, hugging it to her chest as she lay down on her side. "What was it like, being human?"

Q 'humphed', "You know what it's like."

"I want to hear what it was like for _you._

"Terrible."

"Oh puh-lease."

He rounded on her then, arms wide and beseeching, a hysterical element to his voice, "Beings outright _attacked_ me! I was defenseless! If not for that lovable bag of bolts on board I would have been dead! Poof! Wiped from existence because of a few harmless pranks!"

Amanda felt her heart sink. She would **not** let herself believe what Beverley and Guinen had told her. Q was a bit… torturous… but… had he really hurt creatures so fiercely they'd sought him out? Tried to hurt him? What the hell had he been doing for all the millennia before she had met him? Amanda had shuttered. Yes she had grown to know him, but there was still so much she didn't know about _before_. He had shown himself to her, his inconsistencies and gouging faults; he had tortured her through his cruel tongue, but he had shown kindness too. And yet… she had never asked him about his life previous to their first encounter. Her thoughts had lingered as she watched him make his way over to the replicator.

"Chocolate sundae," he said tersely to the machine.

Despite her disheartening thoughts Amanda had smiled sleepily, her eyes closing, her mind drifting…

And now it was morning, and Amanda felt more rested and collected then she had in a very long time. She opened her eyes….

"AH!"

Q was staring into her face… in the most literal sense possible. He was sitting next to her on the bed, leaning over her, nose to nose. Her reaction hadn't even fazed her. He didn't even blink. Amanda relaxed, un-tensing, snapping her mouth closed. Q's lips drew into a very thin line.

Amanda blinked, "What? How long have you been like that?" Q shrugged, eyes never leaving her face.

"So eerie," he whispered out of the side of his mouth.

"_Sleeping_?" she said, unconvinced. He wrinkled his nose.

"The way the eyes move…"

His tone, morbidly fascinated, was putting her off. "Are you finished? I'm awake now, obviously." He blinked and sat up. Amanda swung her legs over the side of the bed. "Have you had any luck contacting the continuum?"

Q narrowed his eyes, "The connection is continuing to weaken. I am only receiving… glimmers."

"It must have something to do with Lectus V, I'm one-hundred percent sure." She stood up, walking around to the replicator. "Hot chocolate," she said quickly, nursing the materialized mug as she sat down at the glass table. "Computer, time."

"The time is Oh- eight hundred hours."

"I'm going to Engineering today if you want to join me," Amanda quipped, watching Q's eyes glaze over as he receded into some distant part of himself. He was quiet. Too quiet. Was the fuzzy connection to the continuum really concerning him that much? An idea dawned on her. Of course _she'd_ been use to the quiet in her head, that human feeling of only one train of thought. He was probably having a hard time with all that echoing space up there. "Are you… okay?" Q snorted, folding his arms, but said nothing. Yeah, okay, Amanda thought. Big tough guy… "You can tell me, you know," she tried, "I understand."

"Hardly," he snapped, rounding on her.

She drummed her fingers. "I've been in the continuum for five years…"She was cut off by Q's sharp huff of breath. "Look, you don't have to be such a-"

"I don't think you fully grasp the gravity of this situation. Our connection to the continuum is breaking up. I'm not even sure we can get _back_ to the continuum."

"We could try-"

"And if it's too weak? What then? We scatter ourselves across the galaxy? Roaming energy without any hopes of getting back?" Q scoffed, "Are you so naïve that you cannot not even _grasp_ what might be going on here?"

"Oh and you do?" She struggled to level her voice, "I just think if we wait and see-"

"You are so _blinded_ by your human mind it's sickening! You're just like Picard and the rest of them! You're just like your-" He stopped abruptly, his voice suddenly halting.

Bastard.

"Say it," she whispered. Q pulled back. "_Say it_," she hissed. " 'Just like your parents'. That's what you were going to say, wasn't it?" Her voice was rising, incredulity and anger dripping off of every word. "Well?" He glared at her. "You know what? Fine. I'm just like them. It's not like I can defend them anyway because they were _dead_ before I ever got to know them!"

"I was not suggesting your parents were-"

"Of course not," she snapped, "You never mean _any_ of it, do you? You think you're so high and mighty… but most of the Continuum is laughing at you like they're laughing at me. Well I don't care! I'd rather be a decent human being and die like one, like my parents did, then be a insensitive Q and live forever!"

For a moment he looked like he was about to say something- something terribly important, but instead he straightened up, "It's easy for _you_ to make that choice."

"It's never _easy_." She sighed, trying to clear herself of the white-hot anger coursing through her. "I'm going down to Engineering. You can do whatever you want." Leaving the rest of her hot chocolate on the table, Amanda turned and left.

.o.o.o.o.

Geordie bent to plug a router into one of Engineering's sub-panels. "Your ideas on manipulating subspace have really given us a new perspective. We tried to work with Q a few years ago but he… well, he proved to be a bit of a problem."

"Nnng…."

"Hey, are you alright?"

Amanda had dropped the PADD with a clatter onto the consol; Geordie recovered it quickly, striding to her side. Amanda couldn't answer his question; all of a sudden there had been a sudden pounding in her temples. It _hurt_- like someone was cleaving her forehead in two. From the back of negative space there was the faint sound of a child crying. Her stomach dropped, an icy feeling shuttering over her. That same sound… but she was _awake!_ How was this possible? How could she hear it now?

"Amanda? Do you need to go to sickbay?"

"No, I'm alright… I just..."

The comm. link suddenly chirped, "Data to Amanda."

"Yes?" She said weakly.

"We have just entered the Tulcarean system and are approaching Lectus V."

"Thanks. I'll make my way to the bridge."

The link closed.

Geordie hunched his shoulders, "Are you sure you're feeling okay?"

"Yeah," Amanda smiled, "Just a bit of a headache." He didn't look convinced. "I'm going up to the bridge. If it gets any worse I'll go see Beverley, okay?" Geordie nodded, moving to the control panel. She quickly thanked him and hurried down the hall to the lift. Halfway down the corridor she almost stumbled, hand reaching out to steady herself against the wall. The crying was getting louder! Once a whisper it was now a blaring constant in her mind; constantly echoing about her brain. It took her all her willpower to clamp down and minimize the volume in her head.

"Bridge," she said, entering the turbo lift; it shot upwards, coming to a stop once it reached her destination. "Okay," she breathed before opening the doors and walking out, "Just get a grip on yourself. Everything is going to be fine."

She exited the lift and stopped dead in her tracks. There, hanging ominously outside the _Enterprise_ and magnified upon the view screen, was the carbon copy of the planet she'd seen in her dreams. It was a pale green and sandstone, dark umber swirls rolling over its gaseous exterior in great storms that raged along its inner surface. Every few seconds patches of bright-white light, although dulled somewhat by the vapors, would spider-web across the planet's sky; lightning storms. How anything could live in that? And yet she had _heard_ a child.

Looking over at Q, who was starting at the view screen, Amanda felt a pang of guilt. She regretted their spat earlier. He was right, like always, it was easy for her to rely on her human empathy and understanding. She'd been raised with it. He, on the other hand, had only known self-indulgence and limitless power. It had corrupted him, shaped him with arrogance and a nasty superiority complex. Amanda was asking him to hurry up and learn her ways without considering where he was coming from. And he _was_ learning, slowly, and Amanda had to give a nod to Picard for facilitating the seed of it. Besides, being angry with him because of what he lacked, according to human standards, was just as bad as any of the Q hating _her_.

"Mr. Data," Picard was saying, "What of the sensors?"

"The ionized gases given off by the planet and the frequency of the electrical storms are interfering with our sensors. However the energy readings are in accordance to those given by Starfleet."

"Is it inhabited?"

"I am unable to confirm or deny the presence of life, Sir."

Deanna stood, casting a glance up to Amanda, "There could be people trapped down there, we can't know for sure. Amanda said she heard someone calling out her."

"Sir, we can formulate an away team."

"Negative, Number One. I am not willing to risk my people trying to go through _that_,"  
Picard motioned to the swirling planet. Instead he turned to Q, who had been standing next to the Captain's chair. "Would it be possible for you to penetrate whatever is encircling the planet?"

Q clasped a hand to his breast in exaggerated shock, "Mon capitaine! You ask _me_ for help?"

Picard's face darkened, "Q," he said warningly. "This is not the time."

He pouted, arms folded, "You're an inscrutable kill joy Picard. Can't I just… savor this moment…?"

"Q!"

"Alright!" Q snapped. He relaxed his shoulders, dropping his arms to his sides. He glanced at the view screen before looking off into the middle distance, focusing on the floor. The entire bridge went silent, watching, anticipating. It was unnerving for Amanda; she couldn't _hear_ anything emanating from him, only that faint crying of a small, terrified child. She tried to switch her brain to something else, focus on something calming, but… She saw Q's jaw clench in an uncharacteristic show of strain. Eventually he blinked, looking back up, looking at Picard.

"Nothing."

"Pardon?"

Q sighed, exasperated, "Oh captain my captain, do you ever listen? I said 'nothing' as in I could sense _nothing_. I can feel nothing, see nothing; it's just blank. White. Like it's not even there!"

Picard's forehead creased. He looked out at the planet, then at Data. "How is this possible?"

"I do not know, sir," the android answered

Amanda stepped down onto bridge floor, moving around Q to stand in front of the Captain. "Let me try."

"No," Q immediately snapped.

She threw him an exasperated look, continuing to address Picard. "I have the power to do it. Let me try."

From his chair, Riker stood slowly, "If Q couldn't penetrate whatever's around that planet, what makes you think you can?"

Before she could counter with an equally snide and petulant retort, Q cut in. "Amanda is a very powerful Q," he said grudgingly.

Riker smirked, "More powerful than _you_?"

A shadow of annoyance passed over Q's face, "You want me to _say_ it? Would that make you feel better?"

"Now that you mention it-"

"All right," Picard put up his hands in a defensive gesture, "That's enough." He turned to Amanda, "You understand this is something we've never encountered before; it could be extremely dangerous. The fact that Q is incapable of reading anything only serves to highlight the risk." Amanda nodded, squaring her shoulders. Picard glanced at Q, who was looking murderous. "Unless you have a better idea I believe we should let her try." Q turned his head away.

His silence wasn't an approval, but he didn't deny her either. Amanda closed her eyes, allowing that weightless feeling to slowly diffuse through her. It started with the slight tingling of her legs, numbing, working its way up her body. She controlled her breathing, steadying it. This was the perfect opportunity to show them how much control she really had, how much power should could really generate. Off in the distance, obscured by a brilliantly bright white light, there was that crying noise. A child, maybe five or six, sobbing and moaning for help. Her heart wrenched and she pushed forward.

Although Amanda's human body was still on the bridge, her essence had no physicality of still standing on the _Enterprise_; instead she found herself at the end of a long, dazzling corridor made up of pure white light. She strained, trying to see down its length, but it was too far. She could faintly hear the crying emanating from a pinpoint very far off, where the walls and floor converged into a tight, bright pinpoint. If she could only get to it! Her senses were telling her it was _so very important_ that she go there and find the child. Hesitantly she started forward. After a moment it didn't seem like she was getting any closer. Amanda broke into a sprint, rocketing forward through that strange white space. No matter how much she tried it was as if she were standing still.

Suddenly the voice grew in volume, louder then all the times previous, echoing out from just up ahead.

That's it! She was almost there!

Amanda concentrated, probing outward as she moved. But something was wrong, the crying had changed. It was deeper, musical almost. It was… laughter? Harmonic, vibrating; a woman's laughter brimming with satisfaction. There was no crying. There was no child. There never was.

The light up ahead was ending at an alarming rate, blackness barreling towards her. Amanda tried to stop, tried to turn, tried to pull herself out, but it was as if her own power was stuck in the 'on' position. She tried to scream, but no noise came out. She hit the end, the black, and it was over. The door closed, the trap was sprung, and the laughter continued.

Back on the bridge of the Enterprise, Amanda's physical form let out a tiny whimper and promptly vanished.

A moment before she had disappeared Q knew something was amiss. A strange energy was fuzzying his mind, buzzing gnats on the edges of his consciousness. It was damn confusing, distracting. It was dampening his senses. If he had been at full strength he might have saved her, reached out and grabbed her essence. As it were, Q was tipped off by that tiny huffing "oh" Amanda breathed just before she dematerialized. It was enough time for him to feel a rippling shock, for him to reach out for her, and for his hand to grasp at the air where she once stood.

"No!"

Picard was still staring at the empty space that had once been Amanda Rogers. He flashed Q an alarming look, "What's happened?"

But Q wasn't listening. He was trying to concentrate, clarify himself. He searched for her force of being, trying to pinpoint a spot to which he could transport. Faintly her signature wavered, a bowstring vibration. It was hardly something to go on, but if he didn't try… well, he wasn't going to think about it. Focusing very intently on Amanda's life force Q attempted to transform himself into his natural form, transporting to her location. He ended up disappearing only to materialize again on the other side of the bridge. It took him a moment to realize he'd only just traveled a few feet. He let out a growl of frustration.

"Q," Riker was using his 'no nonsense' tone, "You tell us right now what the hell is going on here!" He pointed his finger at the floor as if that emphasized the importance of it all. Well of course! Wasn't it clear? Someone- something _thing_- had taken Amanda, and Q couldn't get to her. There was something _wrong_ and he couldn't see what it was. He couldn't see what was going on that planet, what they were doing to her. He tried calling out to the continuum for help, reinforcements, but the channel had gone from lingering whispers to something akin to fuzzed static on a human radio, shut down completely. A deep and creeping terror, unlike anything Q had ever experienced, began its slow destruction of him.

"Picard…" He realized they might need some explanation, but he was having his own trouble working out what was going on. That in and of itself was odd. He was omnipotent, damn it! This wasn't supposed to happen. He'd been human once, he knew how it felt to have a mortal mind: fuzzy and _incompetent_. There was an echo of that now… and yet he still had his powers. He attempted transporting again, only to end up back across the room where he started. "I can't transform…"

Picard took a step towards him, "You've been made human again?"

Q shook his head slowly, "No. I still embody all the powers of the Q, but something is severely impairing them."

Data cocked his head, "A jamming device perhaps?

"Someone is _hindering_ your abilities?" Picard's forehead creased. "But what's happened to Amanda? Where is she?"

Q wished he could answer, he really did. It would give him no greater pleasure to have Amanda Rodgers back on the _Enterprise_ seated safely in her estate room, maybe locked up in a box somewhere. He'd never let her out of his sight again. Something rose up in the back of his throat very suddenly, a powerful feeling that threatened to overwhelm him. Viciously he pushed it away. He would _not_ get hysterical.

"Aww, missing her already are you? How disgustingly sweet."

The female voice, dripping with contempt, seemed to reverberate in the very air around them. Q's hand flew up to his forehead as a splintering pain flashed behind his eyelids.

Picard straightened up, "I am Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Federation Starship _Enterprise_. You have taken a member of my crew hostage and I demand you show yourself!

Suddenly there was a flash of light, stunning, bits of multi-colored flecks of power licking out about the bridge. Q didn't have to shield his eyes; he could see as the energy coalesced into a figure, a being. A woman in blood-red robes stood before them, and she was laughing.

"A member of your crew?" She giggled, her head of jet-black hair lolling to stare at Picard. "Hardly…"

Worf vaulted his console, phaser outstretched as he prepared to fire. The woman chuckled, and the weapon in his hand evaporated.

"No!" Picard barked, Worf tensing as if he were about to throw himself at the intruder. "She isn't human…"

The woman cocked her head to the other side, staring at the Captain with a slightly unhinged expression. "Correct, inferior mortals! I am your hell, your Persipnei! Look on me and fear!" She giggled as if highly amused. Head still angled she rolled her eyes to Q, his face screwed up in pain. She grinned. "Enjoying?"

"What are you… doing?" Q managed. "What have you done?"

The woman's mouth stretched into a nightmarish shape, "And give you all my secrets? I think not. You always did have the unfortunate talent of running your mouth off when its not wanted."

Something within him clicked and the realization flooded him with an odd-feeling strength. The pain lessened and it was replaced with utter shock. "You! No... this is not possible... you can't be here," he breathed, pointing a finger in the woman's direction, "The continuum is on to your games!"

"Funny," Persipnei chided, "I could say the same about you, Q."

Q planted his feet. It was the least he could do to seem menacing given the circumstances. "Bring Amanda back," he ground out, "_Now_."

She giggled, "Or you'll 'what', exactly?"

He took a step forward. Funny question, really. He'd choke the witch to death if he had to. She flicked her wrist mildly, an off gesture, and Q was picked up and thrown against the bulkhead. A muffled "umph" was forced from his chest, and he crumpled to the ground.

Picard turned sharply to Persipnei, "What have you done to him?"

Q was on his knees, wheezing. "Isn't it obvious? She's found some way to turn the volume down… so to speak." His gaze flicked to the strange woman, "The only question is how. How are you muting my powers? Even my connection to the Q is being disrupted. You're not _that_ prolific."

The grin was firmly set on Persipnei's cold face, "Oh it's not _me_ Q, dear."

He had one leg under him, ready to hoist himself up back onto his feet when the implication of her phrasing finally hit him. Even as the words came tumbling out of his mouth he barely believed them, "But… Amanda? How is that possible?" Persipnei gave him a passing glance. Before he could stand he was picked up once again and tossed back against the control panels. This time he couldn't stifle the sharp yelp of very real pain that lanced through him.

Picard moved forward, "You must stop this abuse. Now!" Q was on the ground, curled up, and it didn't look like he was moving.

The blazing woman turned to him, "How _dare_ you! You puny meat brain cannot conceive what a pain in my side this wretched Q has been to my existence!" Her voice made the ship rumble beneath their feet.

"We can guess," Riker murmured under his breath.

Imploringly, as to try and not upset the being any further, the Captain laid out his hands, gesturing that they were truly powerless to stop her. Such a defensive position would, hopefully, incur some element of pity. "If your grief is with Q then you have no reason to keep Amanda Rogers captive. She is new to her powers, still a child when compared to other Q. You must release her, please." There was a brief moment where Persipnei seemed to weigh her words. She darted a look from Picard to Q, who was sitting up on one arm, a determined expression etched onto his face. He would _not_ look at her; he would not show her his weakness.

She tilted her head to the other side, as if it gave her some new perspective. She smirked, "No." Picard's heart fell. "To deal with Q in the proper way would be doing him a great service. The end would come too quickly, too painlessly. No, I want to watch him _suffer._" A giggle bubbled its way past her lips into the stunned silence, and then she was gone. All the way left was shocked silence.

Q, eyes wide, stared at Picard. He had nothing, no way to deal with this. The Captain looked over at him, a hard expression thinning his lips into a strained line. Q shook his head very slowly. Picard swore under his breath and tapped his badge.

"All Senior Officers to the Observation Room, immediately."

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A/n- Thanks for reading so far!

Just wanted to let everyone know that the next few updates might be delayed a extra week or so. I've got a ton of school work plus my NaNoWriMo novel in Novemeber, but I'm sure I'll be writing new chapters. This isn't being put on hiatas or anything, it just might not be on a strict 'two week' schedule.

Please review!


	6. Faces

Xenon

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**Faces**

* * *

The Senior Officers, plus a brooding Q, were seated along the conference table. The Observation room was quiet for a long moment, everyone looking to Picard, who was staring very hard at his steepled fingers. Eventually the Captain gave a great sigh, glancing up at his crew. The present omnipotent was silent, hands folded in his lap, not even lounging just a bit in his chair- this was more than slightly unnerving for Picard. It meant that this was a more serious situation then they had first thought, serious enough that it warranted Q's best behavior. That was positively frightening.

"I think," Deanna started once she'd gathered enough sense of the room, "We should start with the woman- Persipnei. Q, you said that the continuum was watching her; you seemed to recognize her."

Q leaned back in his chair, "That… thing," he seemed to wince, just very slightly, "has been making trouble in the continuum for eons." And that fact that she'd chosen 'Queen of the Underworld' as her present form was not a good sign. That meant, metaphorically speaking after all, she'd dragged Amanda down to Hell. Q suppressed a shutter. "Mostly it was peanuts, you know," he said casually. "Causing mayhem betwixt the morals, playing God- or Goddess- whatever. _That _we could ignore! I mean," he scoffed, hand to his heart, "_I_ do it all the time…"

Riker shifted in his chair, looking peeved. "That's right," he spat, "You cause mayhem and destruction wherever you go. What makes her any different?"

"Because she became dangerous," Q said softly. "I may," he walked his fingers across the table, "interfere with your lives from time to time… but I've never threatened the continuum's existence! It's very foundation!" No one said a word to that. Oh yes, that got their attention, didn't it?

Troi folded her hands, "Is she trying to overpower the Q?"

Q thought for a long moment, "Given enough power she could certainly do some damage. Maybe lock us out of the universe…" His eyes grew wide, "Or worse, turn us human! We knew she was planning something… we could only speculate as to what."

"And you didn't feel it necessary to divulge any of this information?" Picard grumbled.

"How could I have known? The last time I saw her was clear across dimensions centuries ago! I had no idea she could even be here…" Riker rolled his eyes, but Q ignored him. "I had no idea she would have tried to use the Enterprise to trap me, let alone Amanda."

Picard sighed heavily, "But why?" He looked pointedly at Q. "Why take out her frustrations on you?"

At this Q shifted uncomfortably. "I had been investigating her presence for a while, got wind of some sensitive information, and reported it to the appropriate authorities... and it might have resulted in her expulsion from the continuum." The Captain shook his head in disbelieve. "What? How should I know she'd carry a grudge for two millennia?"

"And now she's planning revenge," Troi quipped, "and Amanda can help her achieve this?"

Q narrowed his eyes, "Alone a Q would have no chance against the continuum, but Persipnei is powerful- and Amanda is _very_ powerful. Amanda is young and inexperienced, yes, but her sheer force of being is extremely intense. She has been reared human for much of her life and it has resulted in… some interesting traits. Most Q are taught that their power has limits, that while they can create and destroy whole dimensions, there is an element of restraint interwoven into their subconscious. If a Q unbridles himself to his power it will destroy him. Amanda does not understand this. Her human nature makes her very willful; she fights with all her strength, without safety limits."

Picard glanced down the table, "If someone like Persipnei could harness Amanda's power, what would happen?"

Q shrugged nonchalantly, "Rule the existence of every life form for three dimensions, maybe more." The table sat in shocked silence. "Or…" and this was the real clinch, "destroy them."

Leaning back in his chair, Riker stroked his chin thoughtfully. "But how would this, as Persipnei said, 'torturing' Q?" Q stiffened, and the other occupants of the room didn't answer. Riker continued anyway, looking across the table at the indignant omnipotent, "I'm sure it would be terribly annoying for you, having that woman gain control of the entire universe, but couldn't you just leave? Pass into another dimension? I don't think I quite understand how your… discomfort fits into this equation."

There was a silent moment where Q debated whether or not to use his remaining powers and turn Riker's face inside out. It would be terribly amusing, and he would deserve it. Data tilted his head, speaking into the quiet, "I do not believe it is Persipnei's goal to torment Q by expanding her powers. Indeed, if she was able to capture Amanda she could have taken Q just as easily. I believe it is with Amanda that Persipnei intends to cause Q distress."

The metal man gets there in the end, doesn't he?

Q could feel Picard looking at him. He could hear all their thoughts, unspoken questions, so he tried to focus on something else. Riker, on the other hand, let out a barking laugh. "Really?" he implored, "Are we suppose to believe Q actually cares what happens to Amanda?" Riker pointed a finger across the table, "I don't believe it. You couldn't give a damn less about anyone else but yourself, never have, and we're suppose to accept the fact that somehow you've found a soft spot within that blackened husk of a soul?" Q looked up sharply, glaring.

"Will…" Deanna said warningly.

"No," Riker retorted, "I think we have a right to know." And then his voice went soft, deadly so, as he hissed, "Maybe Q's been beat to the punch. Maybe you were going to use Amanda all along and Persipnei just beat you to it."

In a swift motion, so fast it was hardly discernable to the naked eye; Q slammed his fist down on the table. The force was so strong the surface fractured, hairline fissures splintering away from his clenched hand. For a terrifying instant rage twisted inside him; really was going to hurt Riker, even in his weakened state. Q had to reminded himself such an act would help Amanda's chances not at all. He forced himself to once again retreat behind an uncaring mast of detachment. The table whined and repaired itself with just the flick of power.

Deanna, eyes wide, straightened up, "I don't think we have any right to question Q's feelings."

"I want him to say it," Riker folded his arms, undaunted and unaffected by Q's display.

This was ridiculous! Q glanced imploringly at the Captain. Surely he could call off the dogs? But Picard didn't catch his eye; he was turned inward, reflective. Gently Q skimmed the surface of his mind, trying to find some part of the man that believe him. How could he wish for Amanda to be in pain? Chained and bound like some immense battery, life force draining for the soul purpose of enslaving the entire cosmos? But there was doubt in Picard, latent and undermining. There was distrust.

Q sighed finally, "Amanda means a great deal to the continuum."

"To the continuum?" Riker puffed.

"To _me_."

"Humph."

"How do you expect me to say it, oh wise and powerful Commander of the Enterprise? Interpretive dance? Shall I write you a poem?"

"That would be nice."

"Are you listening to this, Picard?" Q gestured wildly at the Captain, who opened his mouth to speak-

.o.o.o.o.

Mmmm.

Nothing but mmmm.

Mmmm.

Only mmmm.

Quiet, blissful mmmm.

There was no time, no container to wrap around the tight, constricting mmmm. She- although there was no 'she', was there? There was no 'feel'. There was nothing but mmmm. It was the womb before birth, the universe before the _fizz-bang!_ of existence. It was glorious and sated, loud in its silence, beckoning and safe. Safe. She- was there knowledge of she?- felt safe. It was a feeling that could have been tied to a memory, if there were memories.

Dimly there was awareness of being, but of nothing save the sweet, silent mmmm. Was there anything besides the blackness? But why would anyone leave this sacred place?

A muffled sound.

Throb-

A dull metronome.

Tick-tock-

A heartbeat.

Rhythm-

Again, again.

Living-

Oh…

Life. Alive. Knowledge.

It was a weight, a heavy blanket to claw through. Energy unwound itself from a singularity, a pinpoint so depressed it existed not at all. From within this place she stretched.

Surface!

She could see it, whatever it was, just beyond her reach!

Like a head breaking the surface of black, oppressive water, Amanda pushed upwards through the thin membrane of her tight sub-existence. She gasped, drawing her energy and her strength. Life flooded through her being, sizzling white-hot from the bare tips of her to the hot heady center. Clawing through the sludge she was born out onto the ground. Only… not ground. She wasn't in her physical body, she was her natural ebb of energy, and all around her was the color of yolk. It was bright, a stark contrast to the world of dark before. It was a cocoon, and it throbbed like a heart and pulsed as if she were part of it and it were part of her.

She reached out and brushed her energy along the wall. The surface clung to her fingers like sticky gel. If she could just apply enough pressure it would open, rip down its seam, but it even that was too much an exertion. The mere thought of it made her weak and sleepy.

"What is this place?"

How had she ended up here? Where was 'here' for that matter? She culled her energy, radiating outward to try and probe, to try and find something solid to grab onto. Out in the distance, perhaps beyond the membrane of her floating egg, there was a voice. It was female, and it was pleasant in its tone.

"Amanda?" It called to her, sweet and low. "Amanda?"

"Hello? Yes? Here! I'm here!"

"Amanda?" The voice grew as if the speaker had turned to her, noticing her, smiling at her. "Amanda, there you are."

That voice…

Sharp, unnerving panic flooded her. No. This was impossible. "M-mom?" And in the back of her mind there was a screeching, nails down a chalkboard, unending microphone feedback growing louder and louder and louder. Thoughts, emotions, awareness, all pouring back to her so suddenly. Her parents, her powers, the continuum, Q- She was enveloped by it, doused in it, and it was filling up her dome-like space until it engulfed her completely. Amanda held herself through the wake of it and tried not to scream.

Through the haze she could feel someone coming closer, the issuer of the voice. It made soothing sounds as if to comfort her, but where was there room for comfort in utter confusion? She wanted to get back to the _Enterprise_ where there were people, not this disembodied voice.

"Don't struggle-"

Amanda froze, her essence shrinking into itself. Before her there was a small flash of light, another being materializing before her in a similar state of flux- energy wrapped up within itself- the form of the Q but... wrong somehow. The woman's voice was strange. It was not her mother, no, but it was- it was her mother's voice and Beverley's and Troi's and Guinan's and all female voices she had ever heard speaking all at once. It was a chorus, and it was directed at her.

"There now," it said, "Doesn't that feel better?" And as it spoke the voice deepened, thinned, until it became one resonating note, a single entity.

"Who are you?" Amanda spoke, although it was not human speech they used, "You look like a Q, you speak like a Q-"

The entity "That's because I am a Q."

"But you're all... wrong..."

The Q before her swelled with something akin to pride, "I am evolved, Amanda, much like you are."

"Evolved?" It was hard to keep the skepticism from her voice.

"Yes. For instance, I am not simply 'Q', I have a name: Persipni, just like you have. And I no longer associate myself with that bothersome continuum."

Shock swelled in Amanda. "You're discontinuous? How? How is that possible? The only way to do that is to-"

"Be removed, yes." Persipnei quavered, "I was unceremoniously shut out of the continuum for wanting to be _more_, Amanda, just as you are. I thought it possible to evolve myself, to better my eternity. And they crucified me for it, Amanda, but you they worship. You're their savior." The constricting space seemed to grow smaller as Persipnei moved in closer, shoving her face into Amanda's

Amanda scoffed, "They hardly worship me. I'm hated in the continuum; I'm seen as some weird hybrid with uncontrolled Q power and human idiocy."

"_Q_ worships you."

The inflection in Persipnei's voice made it very clear as to _which_ Q she was talking about. Amanda felt embarrassment ripple through her. "'Worship' is a little strong… and he's the only one who even bothers with me…"

"Such a hypocrite," Persipnei hissed. Amanda recoiled back in surprise. There was a strong element of rage and madness in the Q's voice she hadn't heard before. It sounded alarm bells. It was all very well she was talking to this entity, but there was something very wrong about the whole situation. Amanda had to get right to the point she'd been skirting ever since she'd regained consciousness.

"Why am I here?"

But the woman went on as if she hadn't even heard her, "He wanted to be more too, to be more connected with the mortals. _He_ wanted to evolve, but once he saw how to do it he was frightened, _scared_; ran off to tell the council and left me to my fate. Q turned me in; he destroyed everything I was, everything that meant anything to me. I've waiting millennia to destroy what he is, what he values most…"

Oh god, she was mad, crazed. Amanda hoped that by preoccupying her she might be open to reason, at least then she'd have a chance.

"What did they do to you?"

Persipnei swelled, "They ripped me from the continuum, setting me back into mere atoms- space dust. Do you know how long it took me to re-constitute myself? Thousands of years! Thousands of years of sub-existence! That gave me a lot of time to think, oh yes, and I knew what I had to do, how to finally achieve what I always wanted! And that's you Amanda. You and I, think of the possibilities!"

Amanda pushed away, "No. I won't help you."

Persipnei laughed, a cold, chilling sound, "Help me? _Help _me? Oh no, Amanda, I'm going to **have **you, wither you like it or not. You'll be a part of me, a part of this evolution. Don't worry," she soothed at the plain horror flickering in Amanda, "you'll come willingly into my existence, and then you'll sleep Amanda, sleep forever as I expand to every single corner of this universe."

"You're insane!"

"I knew you'd not make the choice willingly, but you'll see how important it is in the end. We need to destroy the continuum, don't you see? They are what's wrong with this existence, Amanda. They are cruel overlords that make rules and regulations; limits to the true beings we can become! They want to stifle our growth. They don't understand us, Amanda. But now we can become one and achieve a level far beyond any other being has ever attained."

Amanda snarled, "Q will never let that happen."

"Q is the worst of them all, and by the time we're done I know you'll agree with me…"

And she was gone, poof, vanished, and Amanda was left alone in her cocoon. For a moment she thought she'd been left to wait it out, stuck in some prison cell. But slowly the was a pull, gentle in the beginning. Horror seized her. It was that feeling… from the bad place Q had shown her, like her essence was being squeezed and pulled through a buttonhole, draining.

"No. No, no, no…" Amanda whimpered as it took hold of her, clammy hands wrapping around. Her vision quavered, and images of a different time, a different place were coming into focus. It was confusing and it _hurt_ oh god. "Q…" It was futile, she knew, but just before her mind was engulfed entirely, she called out, radiated her power, desperate. And then there was blackness once more.

.o.o.o.o.

Before Picard could harshly silence Q the _Enterprise_ titled sharply starboard in one solid, sudden, jerk. The occupants of the Observation Room clung to their chairs and edge of the table as the ship around them shuttered and lurched. Q, where just before he had been staring incredulously at Riker, suddenly went ridged in his chair. Then, just as it began, the movement stopped. The _Enterprise_ floated calmly on, eerily so, as if nothing had happened at all. Deanna sighed a great whoosh of relief.

Picard looked sharply to his Security Officer, "Worf, I want you at your station; damage report as soon as possible. Everyone, return to your post."

The computer chimed, "Captain?" an Ensign voiced. "There's a message coming in for you from Command."

"Acknowledged, I'll take it in my Ready Room," he looked pointedly about at his Officers, "I want theories as to how we deal with this. We cannot leave Amanda Rogers to be enslaved for her powers. Persipnei's actions threaten us all." With that they all stood, taking leave one after another, except the Captain, who was looking down at Q with a hard expression. The omnipotent was touching his temples as if they pained him. "What's wrong?" Picard was momentarily surprised at the sincerity in his voice, but he let it pass under the circumstances.

Q let his hand drop slowly, the strange expression dropping from his face in one smooth motion. "A ripple of power," he said thinly, "I'm not sure."

"What are you going to do now?"

Q looked at him, "I don't know! Maybe wander the ship aimlessly with a horribly dejected expression on my face until the Councilor finally decides to pry into my- "

"I meant," Picard said in a decidedly level tone, "are you going to go back to the continuum?" Q shook his head.

"As I said before, even my connection to the Q is being disrupted. I'm…" his face twisted, "_helpless_ to stop it."

Picard put his hand flat on the table, leaning down. "We are going to fix this."

"Ha! What a thing to say," He scoffed, "_Fix_ this? That _woman_ could squeeze you out of existence! You're all are ants to her, Picard!" Q knew the man was hardheaded, but he never pegged Jean-Luc as stupid. But that's what this whole notion was, utterly and totally stupid. It was fruitless, to be sure! How was he, an omnipotent all but stripped of his powers, and a handful of _humans_ going do anything against the combined powers of two super beings? That terror that Q had suppressed on theBridge was now bubbling up inside him. He had the strange urge to find a dark corner and curl up in it. But that was such a… human response. Damn it. Amanda must be rubbing off on him.

…Amanda.

Damn it.

"Are you giving up, then?" Picard folded his hands over his chest, looking down his nose at Q. "I want to make it very clear that that is exactly what you are doing. If you really do care about Amanda, as terrified a thought I think that is, you have an obligation to at least _try_ with some _ounce_ of your being." Q said nothing in retort. He sat in the chair, mind off somewhere internally, and Picard wasn't sure he had even heard him. The Captain gave a snort of distain and left the room.

"Sir," Worf said at tactical as he entered the Bridge, "There has been zero reported damage to the _Enterprise_. Some of the crew were shaken, but there have been no injuries."

"Very good. I want a full analysis of the planet," Picard nodded out the view screen, "Anything and everything you can get and as soon as possible. Any theories on how to break through that atmosphere would be greatly appreciated. You may Patch Starfleet through." Picard stepped into his Ready Room, called up his usual tea, Earl Gray, hot, and took a seat behind his desk. Part of him was focused on the task at hand, ruminating the information gathered and the possible courses of action, and yet a small portion of his brain was still focused on the omnipotent brooding in the conference room.

For Q the whole situation would be overwhelming, he could appreciate that, but he didn't need a cowering Q at the moment. Picard needed a _helpful_ Q- if it were any way possible. He needed a Q that would lend some of his expertise to the task at hand. When it came right down to it, even in his currently limited form, Q was still their best defense against Persipnei. This sat awkwardly with Picard. He never trusted Q; he still didn't. That fact that on numerous occasions that had had to rely on Q's assistance had always troubled him. And now they were going to willingly; entering into a situation where Q could possibly hold all their lives in his hands. No, it didn't sit well with him at all.

The screen upon Picard's desk lit up with the Starfleet emblem, a slight chime signaling the incoming message. He tapped the control panel and the screen lit up with arguably the most formable woman in Starfleet.

Alynna Nacheyev folded her hands upon the desk in front of her, "Captain, I have just received your telecom concerning your reaching the Tulcarean system. What have you gathered on your expedition thus far?"

Inwardly, Picard let out a noise of frustration. How was be ever going to explain this?

"Well…" he paused. One of Nacheyev's eyebrows raised just a fraction at the Captain's unusual hesitancy. "We are positive that the readings Starfleet has gathered are not a natural occurring phenomenon."

"… Go on."

"It seems, Admiral, as if a… _being_ has taken residence on the planet and has been causing disruptions in the space around the system."

A brooding expression set over Nacheyev's face. "Is there any danger to the Federation?"

"The being has taken one of the Q hostage-"

"Is there any danger to the _Federation_?"

Picard placed his cup and saucer on the desk with a slight _clink_. "At the moment the power fluctuations are not extending beyond the system, but it has been made abundantly clear that the entire sector may be at risk."

"Do we have a timetable for-"

He resisted pinching the bridge of his nose out of frustration, "I don't believe it gave us a itinerary of its takeover of the universe, no."

If Nacheyev had caught the dripping sarcasm she didn't let it show, "There has been elevated tension between a Cardassian outpost and a Federation trading route in a sector near your position. We need the _Enterprise_ to act as liaison. I am calling off your expedition for the time being and re-routing you."

"Admiral," Picard started with the mildest of sighs, "This very powerful _being_ has taken a member of the Q continuum hostage and has threatened its other members. We are under the impression that this hostage is in a great deal of danger."

Nacheyev scoffed, "The Q can sort out their own problems. They _are_ omnipotent, are they not? I see no reason why we should interfere with their little squabble."

A muscle over Picard's left eye twitched. "Admiral, we have several away teams currently on the planet's surface and there are severe electrical storms interfering with our transporter. Shuttle will be necessary to collect them all, and that could take well over forty-eight hours with the storms as they are."

Nacheyev took a deep breath, "Fine. But I want you out of that sector immediately after, Captain." The screen snapped back to the Starfleet emblem. Picard sat back in his chair, staring down into his cup of tea. He never fancied lying to his superior officer…

"Jean-Luc…" His head snapped up to see Q standing in the doorway. His powers must really have been waning for him not to simply appear sitting on the sofa. "You aren't leaving her down there," Q continued, "You can't…"

"No, we're not, but I couldn't very well tell the Admiral that." It was unnerving. He'd never seen Q look so desperate. "If you want my help you're going to do _exactly_ as I tell you. No more of this running amuck aboard my ship."

"Tried that once," the omnipotent snapped, sitting hunched on the arm of the couch, contempt boiling over his worry, "The last time I tried acting civil to your crew I had a fork stabbed into my hand."

"You're going to have to deal with that for the time being, Q." Picard nodded down to his hands, "I want to make this very clear. I am not, _not_ doing this for your benefit. This is not some 'thank you' or peace offering in order to solidify a friendship. This is for Amanda, because she is an innocent in your game." He wanted to punish the omnipotent, to make him see just how much he disrupted people's lives throughout the galaxy. "Amanda is suffering because of the trouble _you_ have caused here." But the look on Q's face made it clear that perhaps this was punishment enough. The Captain sighed, "Go back to your room, sit there and try to figure out how we are going to breach Persipnei's defenses." Q opened his mouth in protest but Picard cut him off, "I'll have the senior staff working on it too, just go." He pointed to the door, Q exiting with a huff of annoyance. Picard sipped his tea, looking out the window to the stars beyond, his brain wracking.

.o.o.o.o.

The planet Amanda suddenly found herself standing on certainly wasn't Lectus V; in fact, it wasn't any kind of planet she had _ever_ seen before. But it was beautiful.

One moment she'd been in such terrible pain, oh, it hard torn her skull apart, and the next she was standing on a street made of stone, columned buildings all around her, and a purpling sky overhead. Finding herself once again in human form, she walked over to a Roman-esk building, touching her fingers to the stones. It was cool against her skin, and she could feel the inconsistencies in the rock- the pockmarks and grooves. It _felt_ real enough. But where was she?

"Hello?" She called out into the violet twilight. No one answered her, not even Persipnei, who she knew must be watching her. Fine. She wanted Amanda to play? She'd play, and then she'd figure out a way to beat her at her own game. Amanda started slowly forward, wobbling a little on her legs. It felt weird… unsettled.

The sky overhead was dusky, oranges and purples spilling across the clouds like upturned ink jars. Or perhaps the sky was always purple… Amanda squinted at the patches of clear peeking out from behind the puffy skyline. She noticed the buildings were strange too as she made her way down the narrow lane.

In the front the houses were built open; columns bordering a stone verandas that led down to small gardens. Down on her knees she leaned closer to some of the vegetation sprouting up on the roadside. One of the flowers was like a rose, but with angular petals. Like nothing she had ever seen before.

Amanda paused.

Strange sky, strange buildings… strange plants.

She was on an alien planet.

Her chest heaved. Okay, she thought to herself, don't panic; just find someone to speak to and you'll be fine. Persipnei couldn't have thrown her across the universe, could she? Persipnei _was_ a Q- _had been_ a Q.

As she walked, Amanda's mind reeled.

Persipini had said she'd figured out a way for the Q to evolve, and that the Q Amanda knew had been there during the discovery. That he'd wanted to take part too, only… only once he realized what would have to happen he'd backed out.

Well, that was par for the course, Amanda thought with a huff.

But Q was always one for more power and knowledge, he practically relished in it. What was was bad enough for him to bail? Something Persipnei obviously thought she and Amanda would be able to accomplish... together. Amanda shuttered, picking up the pace as she rushed through the deserted streets.

Odd… where was everyone?

There was a faint noise up ahead, like a multitude of voices in a great surge of yelling. Amanda rounded the next corner up ahead and stopped short. Filling up what looked like a town square was an immense crowed of people, all dressed in simular garb and all surging forward. They were all in an uproar, faces turned towards the front of the pavilion. Squinting, Amanda could see four figures at the front, two standing at odds with one another, the other two laying strewn, upon a large dais. One of the standing figures, tall, male, and with his hands on his hips and his back to her, was speaking clipped sentences to the woman across from him.

Amanda gasped audibly when she took a look at the scowling woman. "Guinan!" There was no doubt in her mind that it the Enterprise barkeep there on the raised platform. The lines in her face were softer, younger, and her hair was down in a long plate against her spine. Despite those differences, and the long dark-blue robes wrapped around her person, it was _definitely _Guinan.

Amanda grit her teeth and dove forward, entering the throng of bodies. People surged against her, but no matter how much she elbowed and kicked, they didn't seem to notice. She ducked and squeezed her way through the crowed, catching snippets of angry voices as she went.

"Move!" She yelled over the noise, but no one even spared her a glance. It was like she was invisible. Coldness settled in the pit of Amanda's stomach. What if she _was_ invisible? What if no one was paying her any mind because they _couldn't_? She pushed through the crowed with renewed zeal, determined to get to the front. If Guinan was there, then she needed to speak with her.

Finally Amanda was able to see the dais from between the bodies. She'd tried to use her powers to simply appear there, but no matter how hard she focused it wouldn't work.

"Guinan!" She called, pushing past the last figure, an angry man with his fists raised up into the air. She stumbled, falling to her hands and knees outside the ring of people. Catching her breath she got to her feet, looking around. "Guinan…"

But the woman wasn't looking at her; she was looking at the two bodies on the ground. Amanda looked too, her eyes wide, mouth agape. Two dark skinned males lay bleeding on the floor of the platform, blood pooling beneath and running down to drip off the side. One of the bodies had a knife still clutched in his grasp.

Guinan pointed a finger at the man across from her, _"You!_ Murderer!"

"I did _nothing_," said a sarcastic voice. "They killed each other! Don't you see!"

Amanda's jaw clamped closed. She knew that voice. Looking up, scarcely able to believe it, she saw exactly _who_ was standing so arrogantly on the opposite side of the platform.

"Q," she breathed. _Her_ Q.

A snarl twisted his lips, a kind of half-grin, like he was pleased with himself. "It was jealousy, obviously, that drove them to this. Not _me_. Not little old _moi. _" He touched an open hand to his chest, as if the very insinuation that he was involved was some rude and unfounded accusation.

Guinan shook her head fiercely, fists clenched. "No. You planted the idea in their minds. They thought each was plotting against the other, that their secession to my father's thrown was in jeopardy. They would have _never_ thought that if _you_ hadn't show up. We trusted you! My brothers were _good_ men, not petty criminals!"

Hands firmly planted on his hips, Q let out a peal of delighted laughter. It rang inside her head, echoing, and Amanda felt faint. She'd never heard such uncaring malice in Q's voice before. He was taunting her, toying, and it made Amanda sick to her stomach. But she didn't move, couldn't move, it was like shock was rooting her feet to the floor.

This couldn't be happening. They were all supposed to be back on the _Enterprise_. What was going on?

* * *

A/n- Hello readers! I must apologise for the lack in updates. I was working on my NaNoWriMo (national novel writing month) novel the _whole_ of November. I thought I was going to have a little time to update this fic but my novel had other ideas. But it's now December, and although I'm still working on my NaNo novel I will be writing more Xenon. Again, sorry for the gap, but hopefully we're on track now.

Thank you so much for reading! Please review!


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